It’s five pm, I have my coffee
Felt that everyone w saying exterminate all the gay people; it w scary.
I’d had some CBD; was I hallucinating, Idk. Ik there are times when Ima not trust w I’m hearing. The problem w that w that I needed it. It sent me on a creativity journey w the business. I pretty much sewn up a funnel.
F up.
When I lost it one time, it w w I had been having a lot of CBD. I’m rly beginning to wonder.
It’s the vulnerability of accepting that Ima not trust my own mind. Having said that, they might have been saying it, so Idk; keeps me on my toes.
I w in this reality where the Nazi Germany thing c totally happen again; instead w the gays being at risk, I felt. It w so f up, like I say. That pretty much sums it up quite nicely.
And I w seeing attractive girls who seemed to be dealing w the same thing; and I w wondering whether they had to deal w it, bc of being like me and that it had nothing to do w my gender and everything to do w just being so dope, that they literally were walking around in fear like I w.
They were handling it tho and so w I. I accepted it at that point. I saw this attractive girl and she looked a little unsettled, tho that everyone w just oblivious to it. I realized that that w how I w seen as well; yay.
I’d heard a few times, like foreign people saying that there w gonna be like this huge like freakout where everybody in this town just went nuts and I don’t wanna say what w happen; tho it sounded like it had happened in developing countries and I w so shocked, feeling that it c happen here. It w such a trip.
All bc of getting chongy.
It’s hard for me to accept that this makes me feel this way. Maybe I c experiment w trying it and then seeing whether I’m hearing all this crap. I w then k, that I’m definitely hallucinating and just chill the f out about it and get chongy McGrongy. Idk, I just don’t wanna give it up.
In Other News
I need to ask AI whether.. say I create a funnel, in place of my landing page; and I do a super good job of it.. will it convert better than my landing page. I tried earlier, tho Siri said, ya wot mate. It’s a bit dumb I feel.
I get my metrics in, in a couple of days, and find out whether I, indeed made some spondulics. I just wanna run the bi again. Fire this f up and just.. I yearn so hard for that.
I feel like such a head case rn.
Like, I have to accept that I am hearing things that are not being said. That’s not an easy thing to do. It requires vulnerability up the wazoo; again.
And I’ve got my psychiatrist in a week; and I need to tell her.. f it, I need to be in her good graces so that she lowers my medication. I need to be telling her that I smoked CBD, and it made me lose it, tho I’m okay.
I also need to tell her that I feel so f up; and that I keep hallucinating that Ima end up in the centre of the Earth for being such a bad girl; for eternity. I just wanna open up and tell her how badly I’ve lost it. It might kinda have some reverse psychology effect on her, Idk.
Like there’s someone in front of me who is totally up for me being honest about how screwed up I am. Why w I not take the opportunity to tell her; open up, share my soul w her. G k it’s so hard to just f tell people, w the f is going on w me. They c f care less and she wants to hear it. It’s such a rare thing and should be taken advantage of, I feel.
Plus, I respect the f out of all my psychiatrists. I have felt so close to all of them and that they saw me as an equal. I just wanna be around her again, just for an hour.
They don’t last long and they go on the ward, and then I get another one. Each time, the next is as good as the last.
That w be so dope, to find someone that Ima open up to.
Ima not say the content of the hallucinations, bc it, they were so exquisitely homophobic, I feel that it w be risky. Was my mind producing this trash, w the f is w w me.
To Feeling F Up
K
Miss K 