Hey

It’s five thirty, coffee’s on

I had my appointment w my psychiatrist today.  Obs Ima not say anything that she said to me in that meeting.  I’m staying on 2mg; w is a great relief to me.  The experience I had losing it so bad, just f me up thinking about it.

I had a good day at my group, it’s so nice to be around people.  I feel my social connections all my life have been totally antisocial.  My mom used to never ever talk to me, we just watched TV.

This has been the main change in my life, and the most meaningful; it never gets old; and things are just getting better socially.  It’s so nice to have friends.

I have my coffee

I’m thinking about grounding techniques; that I need something to stop me thinking the type of thoughts, that are going round in my head; a lot of the time.  I feel that the type of thing I think is super unhealthy.

In Other News

Idk where the business is going, Ima just let things play out.  Ik not to worry; like I w flabbergasted; that all this time, never never worrying about the business; and I now have a top performing ad.

It’s just validation up the wazoo that I w right for that.  That means that Ima continue to not worry at all and it doesn’t scare me at all.  W w mean that things are just gonna work, I feel.  W worry out of the way, there is nothing to stop me as worry is the only thing that kills things off, I feel.

Tho, like I say, it may take time.  W the ad, I had to change things up a bit, before Ik w w working.  I don’t have any metrics for the landing page, so maybe it won’t ever work; tho maybe also it w; maybe I w just eventually think of the things to get it working.

Also

The American market, is where I post my ad.  I tried it in the UK and nada, zip.  It’s seriously f that it is like that.  Then there’s like this thought.. will my landing page work in the American Market.  Just bc my ad does, doesn’t mean that that w.

Tho, on reflection.. w|o worry well w I c what happens. That c rly take the problem out of it.  If life is about feelings, and I never feel that it is like Idk, unpleasant to hold space for, then there rly is no problem, no matter whether it does well or not.

There rly is no part of me left, that needs this to work, I feel.  I see dope af people who are living their dream, and it is so nice to not be phased my them; tho are they my people.  The people I fw are the people in my groups.

I intend to give them my loyalty.  I hope that they feel me worthy enough to offer them that.

On Reflection

Everything I told my psychiatrist makes perfect sense.  She w trying to figure w went w w the freak out and the need to go back up to 2mg.

I understand it to be my psychopathy; w is my emotional instability.  I don’t have enough empathy to keep myself from sliding right into a parallel reality where everyone is evil.  That is when I hallucinate bc I am so scared for their motives; it literally makes me go mad w fear.

In A Nutshell.

To Freedom From Freaking Out

K