Hey

It’s one thirty am, I have my coffee

It w all about being savvy; trusting myself that I had remembered things right; trusting myself that w happened, has actually happened; and that it w all sorted.

It’s picking up on those small social queues; me picking up on social cues.  Then I panicked, feeling that we had not sorted it out, calming down later and then realizing that w had.

It w like I w changed from the experience of being helped; having someone who wanted to help me.  It w like it had changed the shape of my head, bc my mind w functioning differently.

This w something that I had kinda become aware of a while ago, and then after a while it w gone and I had forgotten about it; now it’s back.

I feel it’s necessary for me to be savvy, that I have to think in a certain way.  I got here by just not worrying, the worries trying to take me away from this reality, this savviness.

Tho, I’m here so I made it; forever changed.

So it feels like J’s commandments worked, that they helped me to find this person w|i me.  I rly love this me.

C I have been right about something that happened to me when I w a kid, that from trauma I never stopped chronic thinking and the actual functioning of my mind changed to someone I should never have been.  Well now I’m back.

It w after my mom yanked my arm in the snow and I bashed my head, my face, my nose on the corner of a concrete step, for being so happy at it bc it w snowing, I feel.

I saw I kid saying that it w snowing and being happy, and I just wondered why I w be treated that way.

This is a part of being emotionally aware.  I have emotionally unstable personality disorder, and this flies in the face of that.  How c I get someone to bend the rules for me and be aware that that w w w going on, and be emotionally unstable.

Like I say, that came later, when I felt that none of that had happened, and got scared and upset; then after, I w back.

That’s how it feels to me, that it comes and goes; my emotions, literally visiting and then leaving.  It kinda feels like they are here to stay now.

I’ve also had some support for the running of my business, an offer of help to figure things out, w is just so dope.

I guess being dope is locked in.  It’s more like being on cue.

That w it tall along that allowed me to heal, w w people showed me care, and support.  I then emulated that out to myself.  This lowered my anxiety so that my emotions c come through and then it just took off from there; people caring more and more and supporting more and more right down the line, till I finally just stopped being so mean to myself.

I must continue to do this, stop chronic thinking.  Ima call it psychopathy, and don’t say that lightly.

To Emotion

K