Hey

It’s about two pm, I have my coffee

I enjoyed Mahjong.  It is starting to become a thing, that I don’t get triggered at groups, w is super welcome.

W the business, my landing page is getting changed every five minutes.  I have plumped for an AI created headlines; and title.

I’m feeling closer to joining the Samaritans.  I feel I must do something.

Ik that G is working behind the scenes, to bring everything out, in some kinda flukey way, so that the right thing happens; Idk.  It kinda takes the pressure off of making the right choices.

I haven’t checked the business.  It w have been three days, tonight, since I have put my image on the bottom of my page.  Headlines were a bit shaky, so probably best to leave it another three days; I have five left to run it.

I got followed by a homeless person.  Later he apologised for it, w w most welcome.

I’ve just bought some soya milk, I w running pretty low.  Gotta love Amazon.

I w here to meet the girl from the housing association tho she is not here.

I feel all my energy has to be put into the Samaritans.  It w get me everything I want in my life.

Idk how hard it w be w the distress that everyone a be in, tho it’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

I feel I’ve got brain damage.  When I type, I feel I’m gaslighting myself and jabbing the wrong key, like the wiring in my brain is all f up.  I feel this is bc of being wrapped when I w a baby, and I also feel that my mom, has ASBD and I don’t even wanna go there.  Tbh it feels like I have had my whole life taken off me, and am still damaged now, that’s hella damage.

Like I have been healing for six years and am still damaged, I feel.  No emotions come up tho, what the f.  I am also emotionally damaged and don’t feel w I should be feeling.

I kinda feel like I’ve died a little bit and left a piece of me behind; actually had it taken; that’s beyond horrid.

I am aware tho, that people leave bits of themselves behind every time that they judge someone, etc; eventually they die.  I don’t feel that w happen to me.  J says it is better to get into heaven with one hand or one eye, than not, or something like that.  I have lost a lot, tho hope to get in; it w be worth it at that point.

Actually Ik that I came from there.  I feel there w be massive punishment for her.  I’m seeing an angel that someone devalued and treated like dirt, and broke and then scoffed at that person’s inability to survive, I feel.  I can’t do this, Ima not talk about it.  I must not gloat at that punishment.

It’s little comfort that everyone is evil.

It w hard for a minute, w all that going on inside, to believe that I c possibly have a life; to survive, to actually thrive, w something that caused me huge pain thru just not accepting it, and feeling that I don’t have the value to receive that.

Ima get off this topic; f this sh.

So, life is mine, Ima just go ahead and live.  I see it now.  As long as I make the right choices I w have the same life as everyone else; a life w emotions and feelings, my right for being here.  It’s a huge prize.

J says, whoever loses their life for my sake w save it; I have, I feel.  Now I get that prize, I get life; eternal.  Like I said I had it already bc I am from there, I feel.  Tho it feels amazing to receive it.

To Eternal Life

K