Hey

It’s one pm, I’ve had my coffee

It’s Sad

I went looking for a volunteer job; and it just went bad; afterwards, when I felt that they didn’t deserve me.  They had gaslit me, twice, during our five minute talk.

I had walked away, feeling like I didn’t deserve them.  I see that I can’t afford to work there, bc then that feeling w be w me all the time, and I need to be on the lookout for work and it w just trash the whole thing; I wouldn’t feel worthy.

So that’s that.  Just a decision that’s all, nothing more about it

In Other News

Psychopathy

It’s a reality.  I have to be careful that I don’t go into it.  A good example is the homeless people I saw, on the way home.  Someone said about them, what they say to us, feeling that they were trying to diss everyone walking past, I feel.

It’s a nosh.  If I feel that everyone has something against me, then they do.  If I ignore judgemental thoughts, like pondering whether something c actually be going on there, then I’m in that reality and it’s a very dangerous thing to do.

Again, if I’m unaware of that reality, then it doesn’t exist; and I don’t want it to exist and I choose that; till the day is long.

I’ve been in that reality, and Ik that it is no good.

I have psychopathy w|i; it’s just trying to get out; programming from my past life.  The whole brain map of what I feel, people are up to on the low, is still there.

The good thing is is that, if I choose to not consider whether it is the truth or not, then it disappears; w it the brain map that supports it.  I w no longer have any awareness of it, bc the part of my brain that created that awareness, is gone, for good.

It’s like Freddy Krueger, like in A Nightmare On Elm Street; the old one w johnny Depp.  It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, and he disappears while swiping at Nancy.

Maybe I am in kid reality.  It’s very much a kid’s film, and I am able to see that message for what it is, in the reality of youth; yeep.

How can such dark things contain such light.  It’s so weird being alive.

I guess that’s the whole message, behind the commandment, do not judge; in a nutshell.  It takes away evil’s power.

I just don’t feel like eating rn.  I felt too hot, and k that if I ate, it w make me hotter.  Eating less is going well.  I must have something soon tho.  I have a can of soup that Ima tuck into.

Having this realization; it’s much more than just commandments in front of me.  It has some kind of awareness, of why they say what the say; they eventually mean something to me, and that feels good, like I have gotten something tangible out of following them for the six or seven years that I have been doing so.

To, Do Not Judge

K