Hey

It’s about two o clock pm, I’ve had my coffee

I bought an outfit; today.  Like I said; I saw this girl wearing, like pink sweats and nice glasses.  The energy she had w so on point; that it rly spoke to me.

I had taken in w she w wearing, and kinda figured, that it had added to her vibe.  It kinda made me look at the things I go for.

I w torn; between Nike and like that kinda vibe stuff.  I had found a website super quick w that vibe on it; I w super lucky; and I ordered something; after a lot of deliberating about what w my like zhè, when it came to my direction, pretty confused for a hot minute.

Ik that when I wore it, I w feel, w it w be like to be in it; I had done that before.

I didn’t k whether it w my vibe; I kinda felt like it wasn’t, tho I found something that w.

Zweebing

I w challenged w it; on the way to Town.  The gas man had come in, and I w scared that I had not checked the tap, even tho I had.  Self doubt is huge w me, tbh.

I banned myself from going back.  I had to guard my mental health w rl intention.  The thing about empathy is that it doesn’t have logic.  In this way it’s kinda hard for it to compete w it.  The only logic that’s relevant, is that I w be ill if I don’t listen to it.

In Other News

I have been eating less.  Idrk how I have managed this; all of a sudden I just don’t want to.  Even now, bc I’m not cold, I’m not having anything.

Tbh I feel that it is, not zweebing that has done it, and brought about this huge change in me.

I feel hunger w my weakness bc it made me vulnerable  to zweebing, w w kinda just suck me in and make me panic and feel worthless.

I suppose this is always where I go w my zweeb, probably bc of the environment that I came from.

It’s about the teen mind versus the adult mind, and how judgement causes that shift, I feel.

I thought that I w just kinda digging myself deeper and deeper; scared that something unexpected w gonna happen; so much fear of the unknown.

And the funny thing w, w that the opposite happened.  I now feel much safer.

I guess this is the fear of the zweeber; that they just fear so much not doing it, like it w lead to disaster, tbh.  I w the same, till now, I feel.

Ik that I still am drawn to nearly judge, so much, and this means that I am not in teen reality, bc.. well back then it just wasn’t such a struggle, such an effort to not do it.

I see clearly the boundary between the teen mind and the adult, and feel one hundo sure, that it is judgement that brings about that change, in gene expression of the mind; so sure.

To Not Zweebing

K