Hey

It’s one pm, I have my coffee

I’m hallucinating.  Ik that I’m hallucinating tho; so it’s anxiety.  I don’t feel anxious tho.

The lady who I contacted about Co Working Space, has got back to me, and it’s something that I wanna go for.

I wanna get my ducks in a row first.  That means figuring out how to get the best, out of the help pages on softwares.  I aim to be a consultant, helping people w their headaches.

It might be like the gym, and there is no one there, it’s just that everyone has bought a membership.  Midnight w be when I wanna go.

First I have to ring HMRC.  I gotta get this thing figured out.  Curious as to w they a say.

I had this phantasy, where my psychiatrist told me that she w taking me off the medication bc it w not doing me any good.  I say to her that if Ima get through this relapse, I’ll be okay.

It’s rly just psychopathy.  My emotions shut down, and then in that reality, it feels like everyone is evil.  It’s feels like a full on psychopathy; troubling rly.

Ik that strengthening my empathy, w defeat these hallucinations.  That takes time tho.

I took more Ginseng and I feel that this has done it.  It’s rly sad how Ima not handle even the tiniest amount of drugs.  When I w a kid this w the complete opposite.

The Co Working Space, w much cheaper than I expected.  I’d seen one a few years ago that w much more.  It’s in a bit more of a jank area, and that’s cool w me.

I’ll be able to run the campaign, in somewhere around three weeks, once I get this Tax thing sorted.  It rly needs to happen, before I become a consultant; tho the thing is is that it just feels right to me.

Like I say tho; I don’t k when it w get done, bc I have to research how to get the best out of the help pages.

I wanted to look for clubs when I w at the community centre; tho the guy had told me that I w not allowed to come in.  This rly sucked.  It’s three miles to walk there.  I felt that he w a horrible man.  Now I’ve got to wait until Thur until Ima take a look.

My mental health is definitely on the fritz.

I’m thinking of it, like when I came down in dosage.  I had immediately like a f up few days, then things calmed down.  There is no reason to think that the same thing won’t happen this time.

I just don’t wanna come off the Ginseng.  I’m sick and tired of dodging drugs to keep myself healthy.  It feels like life is singling me out.

I’ve turned over a new leaf, where Ima just not give a sh; feeling that the reason I’m so messed up is through being so scared all the time.  I’ve rly lost my sh and don’t wanna pander to it anymore

There’s evil people, triggering me everywhere I go; why should I be so careful, I feel.

There are things that Ima never drop, and that’s J’s commandments.  I consider myself to be immortal and w be absolutely nuts to let go now.

I looked in the mirror and my face is brand new.  My neck doesn’t even have the wrinkles that used to scare the bJeesus out of me.  Idk what the f is going on; I’m asking myself when my hair w quit being grey and what colour it w be.

I see it like this, that it is a chain reaction w the hedgehog pathway.  That the more it opens the younger I feel, w makes it open more; and this cycle just continues until it is crammed the f fully open and then it’s next stop, youth, I feel.

To The Hedgehog Pathway

K