Hey

It’s two pm, I’m hopefully having coffee soon

I w thinking about the actual will to judge; and that it kinda felt, that I w soon be losing it; or at least, that it w kinda weird to even wanna judge.

I w thinking about when I used so lose it, when I w a kid.  I remember tussling w my brother and feeling upset at that point; tho why w not that, make me feel upset.  I don’t actually remember feeling f up, over like the way someone w acting, yk.

And like this thing, where I feel that people are saying sh; well that just used to never happen.

I remember one time when I felt that someone w being rude.  I just said something back.

It’s like judgement, that there is this reality, where.. everyone is evil and they collectively appraise someones’ worth, depending on how they respond to the things that they say.

It’s just keeping, falling into this reality.  I remember that I never had this problem when I w a kid

It’s almost like, bc of never judging, there wasn’t all these delusions in my mind.

Like I say.. I feel that judging is w causes this, through changing the gene expression of the brain.  It’s like the brain is being used in a different way; this evil, being a side effect of it.

That is why my feeling, that a return to this reality, w trigger the hedgehog pathway.  It is activated in youth, and I feel that the body just has a mechanism, to activate it, when the brain is working like this.

This whole thing, is a source of fascination for me; rly just sticking to the change in state of mind.

I always felt that, I felt better back then.  I lost it when I w about eighteen.  I have always wanted to go back.

I’ve repaired my state of mind quite a bit.. tho just feel that to feel totally at peace, this is the only way.

The good news, is that I feel that J’s commandments w do this.  My faith is super duper strong around this, I rly hold no doubt at all.

Like this is so dope; just knowing that this reality w be mine.  Like, w feeling the way I want to, would there be anything else that I c want out of life.

Ik what it is, like to live w|o feeling feelings.  There is nothing worse.  I imagine that being able to feel them, the way I want, w just be everything that I remember.

With this in mind, there is just nothing to worry about.

It’s funny, bc the commandments include, to not worry about anything; and then like at the end of this process, there just turns out, that there never was anything to worry about.

This is kinda relevant atm.  I have just been telling myself.. that if a thought makes me feel uncomfortable, then just don’t think it.

To Not Having Anything To Worry About

K