Hey

It’s one thirty pm, I had coffee a while ago.

Today feels more like I’m aware, of w is going on.  I guess I’ve come down off of lowering my medication.

This had to happen sooner or later.  I’ve been able to handle my groups, much better.

I don’t think I w in kid reality; bc I just w not getting people.  W I in kid reality when I w young, that’s a good question.

It’s done a complete one eighty, from everyone being pure evil, to not being.  This always happens when I sort myself out.

It feels different tho.   Something like if I accept people, then they w accept me.

I remember two kids cycling past me, saying get her in.  It sounded totally alien to me; tho I guess it’s not that hard, just respect people, I feel.

C it be tho, that the reason I’m here, in this reality, is bc my Neurones have proliferated so much that I’m just not getting triggered as badly.  There is some reality left over to realise this.

In Other News

I rly want to get working on the business.  I feel that it won’t get up straight away.  Something always goes wrong and more needs doing than I think; w|o fail.  It’s good to be so close tho.

I’m trying still to not judge.  I had this huge epiphany, where I just felt that kids don’t even judge the way that adults do.

This motivated me to double down on not judging, even tho I w already doing that.  I have to get to that reality.  Having felt it, I want it bad.

And I kinda have it.  This new feeling is like that.

It came when I said to myself that I am wicked; and that all this that’s going on w me, is like just created inside my mind – this feeling like I wanna have a go at someone.

The thought that it c be wicked to feel so challenged just experiencing people.

Back to the drawing board, just in it for the long haul, keeping the commandments; I guess.

I must not judge.  I must not say that this, w is going on, is my fault.  It’s a mash.  I must just say that I want to be better.

That’s a common theme w all this.  I must focus on myself, never look to the faults that are in other people.  I w see it as a fault in me, tho must not see it as a fault in them; period.

Things w get simpler, when I reach kid reality.  I w be able to see why I shouldn’t judge people; and hopefully feel that I don’t want to, as opposed to just raining myself in from doing it, some of the time.

This has become a feeling, and I want that feeling.

To The Feeling

K