Hey

It’s one pm, I’m having coffee soon.

I have to stop the ad campaign, bc I have one already paused and Ima just start it in Meta.  That way I don’t have to lose money as it starts up.

Things are a go; everything is ready and running.  Feel pretty indifferent about it tho.

Maybe Ima scale it; w means, ploughing the profit back into ads and raising the amount that I’m making; sort of running it till it has run out of steam and then just quitting it.

I’ve just been trying to stay healthy and not triggered by people, w I feel has been a win.

It’s the same thing that happens when I’m off my pills that is happening now.  I guess it’s okay, bc, it means that I’m dealing w the issues that prevent me from coming down in dosage; so that one day I w do it, and those things won’t be an issue at that time.

I’m open to coming from an extremely antisocial background; and that I need to learn how to cope w people, I feel and that is why I am struggling when I come down in dosage.  It’s fascinating.

People are being extremely open around me, everywhere I go, and I need to learn to deal.

It’s definitely not boring being on this path.  At the very least it may lead to good mental health and not the need to be on the medication.

I have gradually been dealing more and more w w people do.  It w a challenge today tho I feel I’ve dealt.

My psychiatrist wanted to talk to me, tho I thought it w Google trying to hard sell me.  I don’t feel like calling them, I kinda feel like I’m back on an even keel.

I don’t feel tho that coming down off my medication is a good idea, any time soon.

I’m rl proud of myself that I tried it, felt that it w horrible and stopped.  I feel this shows rl empathy towards myself.  That’s w I need, more empathy, more of the ability to understand people; to k w my reality is, to feel secure in it.

They call it paranoid schizophrenia.  I guess this came from me losing touch w peoples’ intentions.  Idk if I ever k them, tho now I have the opportunity to learn; and I’m very keen to do so.

Like I say, I’m fascinated by the world I live in.  I feel like kid growing up and just look forward to that.

I want to be in a much more youthful reality.  Tho when I w a kid, I maybe w super dysfunctional, I feel.  I remember being dissociated the whole time; that’s horrific, I feel.  I feel that shows being super terrified all the time, or grossly upset.  I feel the word I’m looking for is traumatised, tho I don’t allow myself to believe that that w w happened.  I also don’t say that it wasn’t like that either.

Maybe one day Iwk if my youth caused my schizophrenia, maybe.

What matters to me more is just dealing.  I deal pretty well when I’m on my medication.  Tho, like I say, I look forward to not needing it anymore.

To Growth

K