Hey

It’s about twelve thirty pm, I have my coffee

I have been remembering my youth.  I never even thought that someone c do anything.  I never had this awareness of any danger.  I used to walk to school two miles.

It feels to me like I am back there; like one massive jump from there to now.  It feels like the whole of my life has been totally irrelevant.

The business won’t do anything for a while.  They are on a break atm.  I guess things w pick up again after Easter.

I suppose Ima look at my ads and make sure that I am getting the clickthrough that works.  It has warned me not to pause it for at least four days.  I don’t rly feel like pausing it at all, tho w have to, to limit my spend.

I’ve found that Ima go into the Meta website and pause it there.  It’s not possible on the Insta, it just doesn’t work.  I c check that advertiser verification has been done.

I guess Ima start my life right at the beginning, a little daunted at w I have to build from here.

I feel that people w let me take things one step at a time, w is good; I don’t need any pressure.  Ima not help it that Idk anything or have learned anything or practised the normal things that people do in life, I feel.

I have a working business, tho I feel that me as a person is woefully inadequate.  Ima fix that one day at a time.

In Other News

Ima avoid swine.  I feel they w turn and tear me to pieces if I give them a lot of my money.  Like I said before I w just getting asked so much that it w have led to me providing for all their needs, all of them.  It makes me sad.

Like I say, when I w a kid, I never saw this side to life.  I never had to avoid people, for fear of being used or violence, it just wasn’t in my reality.  Like I say, it made me sad as I travelled down memory lane that this is the world I live in now.

Moving On

I just want my life to stay the same.  It’s me that I need to change.  Idk how I missed for so long that it w the quality of my mind that w allow me to feel the way I wanted to feel.  Maybe it w abuse that had me feeling like I w dead inside, Idk.  Tho the standstill is over and I am moving forward now.

It feels like my feelings are coming back to me, after a whole half a life of feeling nothing; that’s a good thing, and it fills me w anticipation.  I’m looking forward to it.  It feels like the first time that it feels like these things w come, and like I say, whatever life I w supposed to have w gradually, as I move through time, experience that.

Rly feelings are w I w.  In some kinda cloudy, blurry way, that w always what I wanted, to revert to being a kid so that I c feel all that.  I realise now tho that I don’t have to be a kid, Ima feel all that as an adult.

I feel tho that my biological age w reverse also, bc it’s not possible to be an adult and feel kid feelings in full w|o that happening.  What I’m saying is that that’s not my focus.  It used to be that youth w w I w more than the feelings that come from having a healthy mind.  It no longer is, just the feels.

I guess being physically young again is just a side effect, I feel; I’m okay w that.

Judging is still popping into my mind so much, I need to keep it out.  The more I develop, the more Ima able to just roast people, and I need to not go down that road bc it w stop my journey dead in its tracks, to feeling w I w to.

To Continuing On This Path

K