Hey

It w the new year like half an hour ago

I gave up vegetarian food.

I had been eating eggs for a while; and I guess my body must k what is good for me.

This year w be good. I’m still wondering if this town is actually pathologically narcissistic. And if true happiness may only be found elsewhere.

The lamb w delicious. I also have mince for pasta.

Ik that as long as I live my best life, I w be happy; eventually.

Transitioning has taught me one thing; I can have anything I want in life. It is also running the business that has taught me this.

Ima apply this to making friends as well.

It’s hard w sex in the mix; so many people saying whoosh w is totall bu sh; this is not my first rodeo.

There’s also the profoundity of physical abuse during sex, something that I won’t tolerate.

For me it’s just a no to sex; a resounding no.

Like it w be w someone who I w never want to sleep w, pressuring me to have sex w them, I feel; just bc we are hanging out, I feel.

There are a lot of I feels; there also are a lot of evil people out there.

I feel that w has happened at work is that things are essentially broken. This happened at the last place I w at.

I feel that they were all massively narcissistic; and when I healed to a certain level I c see that it w time to move on.

Idk whether this has happened here tho it feels like it has.

I feel like I am writing my reality; and that if I eat meat there w be a world war where the developing countries take over.

I guess immigration became a huge mistake just like South Africa.

It’s rly bc I have not killed animals for so many years; and then I feel I get spared death by these anti ageing molecules; and it all seems to be written by me.

I feel like it is my responsibility to not eat meat as it w mean not every dying. Yes it w be unhealthy for sure, tho my spirit w be more righteous.

I w in the shop buying my sausages; and I felt that I w just throw up if I had to eat another vegan one.

I should love to be part vegan part carnivore, for a while. The irony is not lost on me.

This guy who I am scared tried to manipulate me into bed w him, said that he prefers estates where there are no nices houses, instead nice people.

This is the problem tho; I guarantee myeslf that nice people can be found easilyest by just moving out of town.

This makes me feel horrid; that I am judgemental and worthless; tho surely that is the crux of narcissistic abuse.

Will I ever be happy here or am I just trying to be vegan.

I must travel; to different places. I must live there for a while. I must move out.

Why am I lying to myself. I don’t like it here.

Maybe the same has happened here that has happened at a couple of jobs now, I just k that this place is not right for me and never will be.

It’s bc of what the bible says about the poor, that they are better people. Tho guess what, the poor can be found everywhere. And there is nothing wrong w people who have learned a trade and are extremely happy.

To Being Happy This Year, Eventually

Kirsty