Hey

I’m down Ferry Meadows, having a Coke.  I got a sandwich, and some samosas for lunch, w is good, bc, I need something cheap, bc I have croquet in a bit.

I w having this problem, where I w freak out bc of being hungry.  I don’t think it’s hunger per se, I just feel that I can’t be hungry when I’m around people.  From w I’ve heard, plenty of people struggle when around people, if not everyone.

I learnt something today.  I w scared that everyone w rly ruin my day; bc I w upset.  I w scared that bc I w upset, they w just be more and more like needy, until I rly rly got emotional damage.

And it w kinda happening.  I w getting more and more upset, as I felt that people were doing it more and more.

Then I realised that it might be w I w doing in my mind that w leading to the like scenario, of, this major like freak out.  And that I had the option of not getting like a little annoyed w them; w I took, and I found that the whole thing kinda petered out and stopped.

This w have been very good for my mental health.  I realise that I have to be rly careful; I’m still fearing relapse; and I feel that this had a positive effect on things.

This actually increases my self esteem that I w rely on myself to make the right choice and rly do myself a solid.

I honestly feel that J’s commandments have been what has healed me from my schizoaffective disorder; as it is an illness of anxiety and not judging and worrying have just, not only relieved it, tho made me more of a righteous person.

Yes, there is this feeling inside that I am a better person.  It feels good; and to k where it came from is just super nice.

I have to, tho, remember the choice that I made that time; bc it w the first time that I have done that, and I still need to make sure that I keep myself healthy.  It is/was the thing that I need.  I’m rly just figuring this out on the fly.

It w be good, later, to see my friends, as this w be good for me too.

When I started croquet, it w just to have a good time and do something that I enjoy.  Ik that I needed more stuff to do so that I didn’t go crazy.  Like connection w people is no joke.  Every relapse I have had has been at a time that I stopped fw my group of people.

In Other News

I don’t even want to be rich.  I desire to do forex trading tho and have lots of money.  I’m happy w w I have.  Idk how to explain it.

I had a mindset blaze.  I thought that forex trading is super easy; and then I w thinking that affiliate marketing is probably as easy as that is.  It felt good.

I traded profitably for one month, and my mentor w saying that he w rly impressed w the trades I w taking.

I’ll have my food in a bit; and I’ve got some biccies for later.

To The Self Care Of J’s Commandments, And Mindset

K