Hey

Saucepan is on, it’s; oh what a palaver, gone three pm

So, I forgot my key at the hall; had to go back, while needing a pee; got to the taxi, and just unzweebed myself fully.  It w a total non zweeb from start to finish.  I’m sitting here, and I w never k that the whole thing happened.

My ability to not zweeb has rly astounded me; and it’s made me think that I should never ever zweeb.

I had water on me, and a sandwich and it w k.

So, I’m hoping, definitely get a passport in a couple of weeks.  I gots to bring this as far forward as I can; in the hopes that it’s gonna work.

Forex taught me tho, that I can’t spend more than Ima afford trying to get this sh working, so I’m just doing it as fast as I can.

I saw this girl today in like, oh, it w so dope; like w she w wearing; and I had just decided to get like this outfit from ALDI; the vibe.  I feel the kingdom pulling me, in a big way.

I just wanna be young; I do.  I want to be a kid again.  I had such good times.

Maybe w scares me is that Ima still have that.  I’m confused actually.  It w be nice to be around kids, bc they don’t judge; I like that.  I actually yearn for that pretty hard, gotta be honest.  There’s something that I want.  I get w I am wanting.  It is me.  It is the me that is coming; the me that I w become.  It makes a lot of sense; I have to become w I want to attract.

I’m not actually yearning someone like that; I’m not yearning to be around younger people; I’m yearning to be one; and whatever that entails.  Holy sh.

I guess this is w, is on the other side of feeling triggered, like so often and just swearing off of saying anything to anyone, to them.  Now Ik that it genuinely is, great – omg, as I type this – is my reward in heaven.

I’m shocked by w I just wrote.  All my fears fall away; this endless feeling of want – gone.

That rly w all that I wanted from that feeling.  That is why I wanted to feel young again; I just wanted that ache of needing something to be gone.  It now is.  C this mean that I am there already; almost.

I got off track.  This is my motivation for just keeping w it; for just dealing, w people and feeling triggered, by them every day.  I gots to hold onto this and never forget; it w get me there, yeep.

I am now aware of w is going on here.  It’s totally insane – I love it.

It’s not about, look at me, I’m so dope; bc the me of now, is not nearly as dope as I w be then; and it’s like sexual attraction.  I went through this stage of feeling such pressure of people being interested in me; and then nothing.

Now I feel kinda, less dopeness to be honest, tho still some; and soon I won’t even remember being dope at all; no-one w see anything in me at all, except a kid; I w disappear, vanish into thin air, and no one w k where I have gone; I w have become normal.

To Normal

K