Hey

It’s two pm, I’m having coffee at five, maybe

I’m getting in touch w this new reality; where I just feel secure, in that Ima just not worry and judge, and I w get to this peace that actually perpetuates itself.  While feeling this peace, it just feels like I’m secure in not judging and worrying.

The more I feel this peace, the more I w realise that I am totally self sufficient in my psychology, I won’t need to kinda run my mind trying to figure sh out.  I like it and it’s the reality that I want to be in one hundo.

Having felt it, Ik that it is all I want.  It is what I felt a long time ago and always wanted to go back to it.  I have the opportunity and Ima say yes, I feel.

It’s a challenge w w people say.  Ima be kinda to myself in what Ima think, like Ima just allow myself to do whatever the f I wanna do w my mind and just feel secure that it is okay for me to do that.

Today marks the beginning of going back to that, journey back to an old me that got buried under decades of worry and judging; totally lost, and now returned.

That is the power of J’s commandments I feel.  Giving me back something so precious.  I love G a lot.

Ik it takes time, I have learnt this over many years.  I must be kind to myself in allowing that time to go past, in whatever way it does.  This taste w keep me going for the long haul, I feel.

People say so much, it’s genuinely a challenge taking so much in.

I like this time of year.  It’s like it has helped me to feel that.  It’s almost overwhelming.  Coming alive is such a profound experience I feel.

In Other News

I got my script.  I have the medication on my table, waiting for me to take it.  I have like two pills left of the old one.  I am cautious as f.  I feel I w challenged last time w health issues so need to watch out for anything that w affect my sleep, tho aside from that I feel good to go.

The feelings of the last few days have just melted away, as I thought they w.  Last time I felt an issue like this, two days later and I had forgotten all about it.

I feel like the issue w feeling challenged w people wanting attention, when I reduce my dose, is kinda gone now.  Kinda weird how it always happens, Idk why.

So things are rly going well, as they tend to when I don’t go against my psychiatrist.  Ima keep w|i what she has told me to do, that’s super important at this time, keep in contact as well, may even ring them today.

It may change my perception of how hard they got me, w c help an awful lot.

This challenge is no joke and may take all I got, tho being off the medication w allow me to feel my feelings so much more, adding to this peace that I desire so much.

And it should prevent me from feeling challenged w triggers from people.  To be real about it medication can be a huge challenge in that way, so sad.  Anything that helps me is most welcome.

To Peace

K