Hey

It’s one thirty pm, I had coffee at eleven

People are saying all kinds of crazy stuff.  I don’t talk about vision tho, I feel that that is why they are saying it some of the time.

It w nice to be w my friends today.  I w super chill even tho I w challenged w hearing this stuff the whole time; and all the way home.  I feel rn that it is something that Ima get used to.

I used to feel that they had the right to k things about me, I no longer feel this way.  This helps bc I’m not sitting there, hoping that they figure me out, I’m just kinda okay w them getting stuff wrong.

More then okay bc for example they may feel triggered bc I did something and they felt that it had some kinda hidden meaning.  Obs it’s okay for them to realise that they had been wrong and chill the f out.

I watched Aryssa614 last night.  I like it.  I felt bad bc someone gifted me a sub I’d got distracted from saying thank you.

The choice I have to make it.. I neglected to watch ProjectBRAiNROT, bc I w watching Aryssa, so as much as I wanna watch Aryssa I feel I must watch Rin.  Rin streams every day; except Sundays.

I’m gnawing in a stick of celery, just had my lunch.  Got everything in ALDI.  I’m getting addicted to ALDI.

I’m kinda aware that when I used to take my medication, I used to think f up sh.  I’m paying attention to my thoughts to see if this happens.  Probs shouldn’t be doing this, bc if I find out that they are placebo then they are not gonna work.

Could it all have been in my head.  It is possible to be hallucinating losing my mind and needing to be back on them, before having a full relapse.  I feel that it is.

I’ve been riding the bus.  I’m making sure that my hip is healthy and able to handle the walking.  Normally only like takes a couple of days till I am ready for that.

I’m carrying around a mac, bc there c be a thunderstorm.  On hot days tho Idec.  Kinda got the feeling that May w be the hottest on record.

I w thinking about Ferry Meadows, how I felt nothing when I went down there, stark contrast to rn.  How feelings can be so different w illness.  Again, I just love J so much.

Lets play devils advocate.  Say I reversed my brain Jex all the way, and w fully in the reality that I enjoyed so much.  That I never panicked over w people said, maybe people won’t even say this stuff at that time..

I may fr be looking back and saying, it wasn’t even that hard.  I mean on hindsight, it w just the relapses that posed me danger and that whole deal w just dealing w crazy sh people be saying and that’s all.

Time w tell, I feel

Just keeping myself stable.  A support worker told me that I have to keep on the pills, that’s what Ima do.  I get that that is the biggest challenge to me.  Just want to be well for a while.

To Being Well

K