Hey

It’s two pm, I’ve had coffee

I had this feeling today that I hadn’t had before.  It w about, when it feels like people are saying stuff.  I w asking myself about safety.  What if there w no threat.  W if it w just safe from that threat, that specific threat.

It kinda shocked me w I w thinking.  Then I had to go back to not judging whether I w right or wrong about that.  It w a moment that I wanted to stay in, tho it kinda slipped away and left this relaxed feeling that I wasn’t going to hear anything like that even tho I w kinda in the mood where normally it w be an issue.

And I’m asking myself whether sooner or later, I w be in that reality where there isn’t like that fear of it happening.  That’s the peaceful time that I remember from when I w a kid.  That’s w sticks w me that may happen again.

And it’s such a shock that that might be coming.  Ima not even think about it, it’s a lot.

In Other News

W|i my mind, I’m challenged w feeling constrained, erring into having anxieties about what I’m doing might mean this, it might mean that; that someone might think I meant something that I didn’t and me be in peril bc of that.

Digress

Still want to watch Outer Banks.  Finding it a challenge to just get to watching it.  Just so comfortable watching ASMR and twitch.  I’m alternating between Aryssa and Rin.

Later

Challenged w feeling like Ima have a relapse, the same freaky feelings.

That feeling is coming in stronger.. that I may end up in a reality where the things that people say don’t bother me, and it shakes me to the core; bc I feel that that w mean that I had reset to youth.

Then I feel my body w heal; my hair w stop being grey and my skin w just look super young, and I w end up looking like a twelve year old.

I feel my head w shrink, and my body w have to as well to match.  This has happened to my upper body; could it also happen to my whole body.

So it’s just a case of just wait and see if I actually leave that reality where feeling that people are saying stuff all the time, and then after that see if the other changes happen; celebrating every time that it feels like people are saying stuff bc it feels like that is w is powering all this.

I’m actually looking forward to feeling like people are saying stuff like I say, believing that that is w powers this whole process.  Just hoping to get it over w; tho I feel the opposite w happen and I may even, at this point, not feel like they are doing that anymore; that reality seems so super close that it may already be here.

On the other hand, looking at how long it took me to shake the feeling that people were being evil to me, the whole time after I adopted the commandments.. I may feel that they are not saying anything and that it is me, tho just take hella time to get myself into mental shape to actually living that.

This whole process just got super exciting and Ima wait and see w happens next w bated breath.

To Trusting The Process

K