Hey

It’s about one pm, I had coffee at eleven

I feel that I saw and heard a lot of evil people today, tho I’m not qualified to use that word tho I guess people w relate to it.

It w crazy.  I w at the Building Society and for some reason I felt insecure, and I felt mashed.  Then it w so lucky that while I w mashed all these people just crossed my path.

Now I’m at home and 

I had to seriously ask myself the question if anyone a notice me being mashed, and be open to the answer.  Maybe they didn’t.

I got all the way home from Town and did my shopping in ALDI and had no issue.  I remembered everything that I wanted to get, even went looking for the salad dressing I wanted when I couldn’t find it.

And then Ima ask myself does it even matter feeling this way, may it even be the healthier reality; like take away the stigma of it, the sort of downer of feeling like it is somehow a bad thing.

Normally w perpetuates it is the feeling that people are dissing me tho I didn’t honestly say to myself that they had.  I’m open to that they may have just been talking about random stuff.

And in the building society.  I heard the cashier mash a lady up.  So it’s not having a problem w the way people talk to people and tho at the same time being open to that they may totally not be doing it to me.

That’s a lot to learn in one go.

Idek what to do w this.  It feels like there is much more to this than just this; almost feeling like Ima let go of judgement entirely.  I remember long ago when I just never judged anyone.  I never had this perpetual judgement gnawing away at me; yk, just rejecting it all the time.

It seems to me that it is a whole reality of its own, not judging people.  I w like to be in that reality; and it feels like it may come.

Ngl, I feel excited, and I’m actively not trying to be; and still it’s coming through; breaking through like my emotions.  I like it when I try to quell them and they still push their way through anyway; like when I thought about my late friend yesterday.  She died of old age tho I miss her.

We used to talk on the phone.  We met during a lunch club that I used to help out at.  Her friend died shortly before of dementia.

I’ve got lunch soon and then w relax.  Hopefully there is someone on Twitch.  I found this new girl; she’s called Jennah.  I felt that she w flirting w this guy tho they weren’t seeming to quite connect.  I suppose it’s worth tuning in again to see w happens.

I now feel I appreciate w I’m doing, w going on w me; bc it’s taking me to the reality I wanna go; like all along it has made me able to handle younger and younger content; me feeling more and more in the right reality.  Idk how to explain it.

So for a long time it has yielded more and more results on me being able to watch super dope stuff on Twitch and YouTube.  Have been appreciating that for so long.  Now it seems that I w be able to vibe w pretty much anything, I feel, sooner or later; and it’s quite a shock, tbh.

To Appreciating Dopeness

K