It’s one pm, I’m having coffee at three
Antisocial; that’s how it kinda felt; to just have those feelings around people making comments; rly the first time that I w okay w it.
I guess that’s good news. And thinking that I wanted to go to London. My late friend said that it w a very impersonal place. Kinda makes sense now.
I feel like there’s been a tornado, and there is nothing left; except a new me.
I wondered if the medication w a chemical lobotomy; w kinda explain why I w find it a challenge to deal w people wanting to be let into my world, even if for just a moment. I feel I liked the lobotomy and just wanted to be in that reality for all time.
Ik Ima ring Samaritans if I start hallucinating my TV kinda talking to me. It helped a lot yesterday. It made it go away.
I feel like I’m out of the woods, kinda. Like I say, I’m not me anymore, I feel. That’s a lot of change. What do I do w my life now.
I have a plan, a goal. I have never had anyone try and put me off of going for it. I’m learning how to put together a landing page. Harry Dry says that to get a two percent conversion rate is not hard; translation, to get my marketing system to work, I feel.
It’s funny how things have worked out. Now Ima take some time for me, make sure I am safe, I feel.
Things are better today, compared to yesterday. That’s a huge change on previous times. I’m kinda shocked that things c be alright. I kinda feel like I have never felt this way before.
I w concentrating on a doper and doper consciousness, for such a long time; and it w great; I w actually realising that. Now I just wanna feel that I have a future, that there is light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, and I do, and like I say, it’s eerily weird.
The postie just came w a parcel. I have to log in to DPD, bc there’s this potential scam text telling me that they have lost my address. I remember a long time ago logging into Evri and finding nothing in there, so ignoring it and then finding that there w an issue. I suppose there’s always the thing of like contacting them and seeing if it’s true.
I wonder if these feelings of death came to be as flashbacks to a way I felt when I w a baby, on being wrapped, suffocated, I feel; and that this feeling of having a future w w those feelings were trying to prevent me from feeling.
I remembered back to when I feel I w attacked as a toddler and wondered if it had caused me to be violent as a kid. I did some pretty f up sh and Ik it.
Rly all Ima hold is that Ima just carry on the way I have been going; for now. I feel there’s no point trying to suddenly make a whole bunch of big changes. I w be very lucky if the landing page hit and things took off. I w get to keep going to my clubs and keep the life I have w|o any change, and I don’t want to change.
To New Beginnings
K
Miss K 