Hey

It’s one pm, I’m having coffee at six

I just held the energy of agreeing w everyone.  I realised that when or if, I thought that w they were saying w wrong, it kinda did me, and it did them too.  I felt that we w all get upset at the same time.

Many many comments, all kinds, the vast majority, sexual.

Just understanding who people are; it draws me into their world.  I feel more seen and heard, even tho I feel it w me understanding them.

On The Way Home

Bought some hair bobbles.  I’ve been trying hard, to find some that are small enough to go under my hat, and I found some; and some others.  The others w bc of the colours.

I’d found that Claires website w not selling anything, it seemed; and the app.  They are those that sell the best ones, I feel.

Then I thought about an in.  People here for a while, I w be hearing that people, needed to get in.  I realised that, me hearing these things and not rejecting them outright, w an in.  I w trying to not do that on the way home; aware that everyone has their issues and struggle w that.

I don’t want to talk about all I have been hearing for fearing upsetting anyone.

Connection

Closeness

Etc

All things that feel alien to my past, and the me that w challenged w fitting in.  J’s commandments served me well.  They w prevent me from offending anyone, w just kept me in.

I like the people I am around.  I like the times that I spend w them.  It’s a reality that I never k, I feel.

Aware people are saying things about those I have separated myself from, I feel; tho not judging that it w abuse, neither judging that it wasn’t.  I found that when I had that thought, it just brought in behaviours from people that w just be too much of a challenge.

Felt challenged w feeling that I had been through hell, yesterday, shook up, traumatised; just looking on after w had happened.

My go to feeling being fear, rly ngl, gradually shifting to connection; aware that things w settle down, hopefully.

Was it empathy that I w fighting.  People being more human around me.  It w new, I honestly didn’t like it at all.

Curious now as to who people are.  I see lots of people.  Again, just doing the self care while I figure things out.  Another day spent, is another day adjusting.

Kinda feeling like there w this urgency to learn a whole lifetimes worth of social information, challenged w feeling so alien to others.

To Change

K