Hey

It’s one pm, I’m having coffee at six

I just had challenges trying to quell feelings w|i me that people were evil.  I managed it, all day, and never had any issues w feeling that people were saying sh.

Looking forward to

I felt it, the reality of my youth, almost in full.  It w so welcome.  It makes me feel that nothing a go wrong; like my fears kinda disappear when I’m feeling it

I realised that there are two opposing forces.  One is thought and one is this feeling.  Should I get myself into a position where I’m having to think to regain some kinda freedom from fear, that ain’t gonna work, I feel; pointless.  It all comes from that feeling of just feeling safe, and like I say, I now have it; some of the time.

Tbh it’s no issue unless my medication reduced, I normally feel pretty at ease.  I just feel challenged like some of the time that Ima die.

This feeling,it is new; and it makes me feel that all of it has been worth it; probably is what allowed me to just not aggravate anyone today.

I w able to say to myself that people may not be saying w I feel they are saying, and that way just kinda ignore the reality of everyone’s an idiot.  I feel the challenge is not getting sucked into it, bc the more I’m in it the more evil sh I feel people a say.

That’s all Ima think about it bc I don’t wanna get sucked into it by way of judging that people are like evil or something.

So it w nice weather and it w nice vibes everywhere.  I felt like people feel value in me, like me being there adds something to their existence like their’s to mine.  That’s a first, kinda.

The Challenge

This morning, just counting in my head all the way to Town, to stop me from thinking anything.  It worked.  Later on I allowed myself to think.  Tbh the reality I w in feels way behind me, tho I have felt this before and it has come back, especially being on less medication.

In Other News

The business is going well; have decided to go for medium intent keywords; w should be just right for the kind of page I’m running.  The ads may cost more tho for that money their should be more interest.  I thought that my ad works rly well on low interest traffic so may even totally blow up when I link it to my keywords; my ad is total fire, and w a landing page may show profit.

In The Morning

I just felt this vibe; that I had got to Elephant Park and w just living in the apartment I wanted, it felt like; like I already had it all; and then a little later on, I felt some other kinda way, same zhè; like I w living in the village, all peaceful, w a wood pigeon going great guns, outside.

I then realised something; the challenge that my mental health is always a spiral, triggered by something.  The huge leap in self care came, I feel when, I realised that this can be started by events that are not real; like something imaginary, like a scenario

I’ve heard that the mind doesn’t know the difference between what isn’t real and w is; and I totally agree w that, that holding the energy of a fear can be as triggering as actually something that happens that feels like a threat.

To Being Careful W W Isn’t Real

K