Hey

It’s almost ten am, Ima have Coke Zero at eleven

I just came to realising it’s okay to not be okay.  I have to be aware that being challenged w being badly destabilised can lead to a relapse and needing help.

Many people, if not every person out there, experience this from time to time.

Later

I just got back and took my pills.  I w challenged w feeling low self esteem that caused like me to feel kinda weird.  I told myself to not think; this had worked one time, so I gave it a go.

Bc I had committed right out the get, I w able to get on top of those thoughts rly well.

I got myself a water on the way home, bc it w cheaper there; having done some shopping first, just a couple of items.  It w sunny and hot, and I had a right thirst on.

Just holding that energy again of everyone experiences it; it actually rly makes me feel a lot when I hold that.

I like being around them.  I am glad to go every week.  At first it w a huge challenge bc I w lose it like a few minutes in; then it crept out to a few more then a few more.  Now I am able, like I say, to like it; to like them even; to feel something for them, w is something new

Rin is on today, I think, w is good.

I held the energy of when I w quite young, being in my bathroom; I used to like my bathroom.  It w a time of not having the judgy energy that I now have, I feel.  It’s relevant, bc I w able to not judge anyone today.  I came to this point where I felt totally ready to let it go.  I guess I’ll be able to go back there, and that’s what I want.

Just holding that it is the, not judging, in and of itself that allows that reality in, to quote the hard truth, I feel; and one that I welcome the f out of.

Lunch now

I just judged.  It felt good to be feeling right about something, tho I let it go.  I am aware that the commandments are right, I feel; and that it w bring in more reality and more awareness from keeping away from that.

Also, the person w I judged, I w never tell them to their face, bc I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings.  It feels good from that standpoint to have let it go.

In Other News

I may have to knuckle down w the business.  I’m itching to get it done.  I told myself that Ima not lay down a winning landing page, bc I don’t feel myself worthy to be able to do something like that.  The thing is tho, is that, it won’t get done like right out the get, there are a few things that need to be done, so I may as well just do a bit and just not hit send, Idfk.

I mean, haven’t I done tons of sh already.  Those things are locked in.  Did I feel unworthy to do those, no, bc I wasn’t close then.  W f difference does it rly make.

To Just Not Judging Rly

K