Hey

It’s one pm, Ima have coffee at five

Something happened today.  I just found myself in reality.  It w totally out of left field.  It lasted all day and Ima try and stay in it.  I liked it.

I felt challenged w feeling weird, so I had something to eat.  I found that I started to judge people to begin w.

Later

I w challenged w ringing the Samaritans to keep myself safe.

I feel that it’s weird that I w feel this way.  I honestly feel that this is the best day of my life.  I learned that I’m not about judging.  Like I say, I felt genuinely sane for what felt like the first time.

I get that not judging takes a lot of work.  I have been trying it for about six years.  It very slowly improves on the amount that I judge people.  It’s not a switch that Ima just stop.  It actually takes hella work, I feel; tho like I say, I stopped for a whole day, kinda.

And I’ve felt w it feels like to not do it and love it.  It also allows me to feel love for people.  Ik that it w not judging that allowed me to feel that for them, I feel.

Also

When I felt that vibe, I realised that I probably have the energy to do the business now.  This means that Ima go right ahead and design the page.  I no longer feel that I don’t have w it takes to smash it.

Again, the business falls into second place when it comes to priorities.  Now I just wanna not judge, I wanna hold that down, until I just don’t just.. I just want every day to be like today, w me not judging and liking the way I felt.

Tbh I feel pretty equivalent to youth; I don’t see any difference.  It’s like there are two realities, youth and adult reality.  Everyone seemed to me to be feeling okay in themselves, this kinda shocked me.  Idk that adults feel good; I had no idea.

It w like I walked through a doorway into a new world.  It feels like I w never go back.  That excites me so much.  To feel that it w always be like this now.

Still challenged w waiting for my mental health to settle down, tho like I say, I feel that this w the best day of my life; and still is.

Music

I’m listening to music outside.  I feel that they play the best music.  I wonder where someone goes to get the.. when I w a kid I used to rave and go to the box office for the tapes.

I asked Rin to tell me her groups that she listens to.  She did.  Tho I rly like w my neighbours play.

To Today

K