Hey

It’s twelve thirty pm, Ima have cola in five minutes

I liked being at Mahjong.  I won one game, triple knitting.  They had totally cleaned me out, till I won at the end.

Just took my pills, now Ima have cola.

Managed to go all day w|o feeling challenged w losing my mind.

I w f with AI; and it brought up the subject of w should be my primary offer and my secondary offer.  Luckily it w quite easy to get it to choose the primary one for me tho the secondary one I w have to ask it.  I had already picked something that it had chosen and this might need changing.

I’m blown away w how sweet this cola is.  It’s also not like Diet Coke, bc I don’t like that.

It w raining and I got a lift home.

Empathy’s a funny thing.  It’s definitely needed in dealing w situations.  If I didn’t have it, hands down that w pi people off and make them not like me, I feel.  It’s more knowing w to do than being confident.  Confidence can be faked tho knowing w to do can’t.

I’ve heard a couple of times that if a person wanna be confident they just pretend that they are and then it just becomes real for them.  Like I say my confidence just comes from knowing w to do; things go smoothy then and I look confident.  It’s about thinking on my feet and just listening to people; doing w they say.

My feelings are coming back and I so welcome that, having been challenged w living for decades w|o any.  It w a huge shock to learn, realise, that everyone has feelings; having been around people and knowing them I now k that.  It’s a huge comfort.

I am challenged w guilt for leaving w I felt w an abusive situation; that left me feeling that way.  I also k from knowing people, that no one w put themselves through anything that w hurting them to such a profound way.  It’s crazy, all these things that I never k; how I ever had the strength to stay away Idek.

And feeling that all these feelings that I have, come from that and just there are no words for how I have changed as a person and value feeling the things I do; now.

I remember being on the phone to the Samaritans and she w telling me that I w feel so much more.  I w challenged w feeling super scared bc I felt that these things w hurt so bad; at times they do tho that is not w she w talking about.

I guess that’s w they call in psychology, secure attachment.  I guess I’m no longer narcissistic as I am now attached.  Just saying those words means the world to me, that is the change that I have gone through.

Looking back it feels like a tall order that I heal from that and k that the vast majority of pathological narcissists w never be able to heal, tho that wasn’t my issue I w told, bc of the amount of effort that I put into changing.

I’ve been through a lot tho at least Ima take away w I have.

To W I Have

K