Hey

It’s one thirty, Ima have coffee at six

I got to think about the rule of increasing.  Say I judge that everyone is a perv.  W I feel challenged w.. is people feeling more and more pervy, until I feel unsafe.  Say I judge that everyone has low self esteem.  I feel, that more and more people yank their hand up to their head until I feel challenged w not being able to escape it and at risk of feeling upset.

Etc

It’s that whatever I judge people for, it increases until It becomes unsafe, I feel.  It also goes for trying to escape people.  One morning I saw someone and it felt like they had locked their targeting system on me.  I crossed the road.  He crossed the road then I crossed back.

Then this girl just something felt off, and I just stepped off the kerb.

This led to me feeling challenged w feeling that everyone w some kinda threat.  It w the rule of increasing.

This applies to when I feel that people are being sexually inappropriate w me.  If I move away from them.. what I feel this does, is it empowers every sexually unhealthy and needy person to have some kinda leverage to manipulating me.

So this doesn’t work.  It can make things sorely worse, and again, feel challenged w feeling unsafe.

I w sitting there and this girl came along and stopped.  I felt like she had ASBD bc I felt this sensation in my  head like I w gonna be challenged w feeling upset.  I remembered w my mom said, who I feel has ASBD.. don’t look at them at all, don’t talk to them and don’t change w you are doing; do things exactly the same as if they weren’t there.

I tried this.  I feel it w the better option.  Then I went in the mall and it just felt like everyone in there w there to pull, and they felt low self esteem looking for someone to use, for raising it.

I feel, had I walked in there after walking away from this girl, then they might have actually been able to get me, and it w all be over, my spiritual journey and everything.  That’s how much of a threat I deem sexually low self esteem needy people to be, I feel.

So clearly taking into account the rule of increasing and following moms advice, may have saved me from spiritual collapse.  The point being that it is actually far better for me to sit there and let someone upset me, even upset the f out of me, than walk away; bc Idk who is waiting and empowered by the fact I moved; and it snowballs and c easily get out of control, everywhere I go people feeling more and more sexually needy and feeling challenged w real danger.

I felt this probably goes w all kinda of sh that people say, just don’t try and get away from them just take it, making sure that I maintain my power, over feeling mentally stable.  I don’t feel that being destabilised w cause any risk, whereas empowering evil people to take advantage of me surely w.

Then

I thought about saying something to someone who I felt w being rude and trying to blatantly destabilise me for narcissistic/ASBD supply.  Well if Ima not even move away from someone, how Ima say something, I just feel that that w be ten times worse in the way it w empower people against me.. feeling ripped to f, as they say here, and feeling so threatened by people that I lose my mind and can’t even think; terrified.  I’ve been there, it sucks more than just about anything, I feel.

To Tools To Stay Safe

K