It’s one pm, Ima have coffee at five.
I just had everyone taking to me w w around me, complete strangers. I didn’t like it.
I must not judge them; Idek if I’m allowed to say that I didn’t like it.
Earlier I sat next to someone who I felt had ASBD. I felt I w gonna get upset when I sat next to him and I did. Ik that if didn’t sit next to him, I w always be looking for somewhere to sit and not find anywhere. I realised I had no choice.
It’s the law of increasing; that avoiding people just makes things build and build until I rip completely. This w the complete opposite. I felt upset for a little while and then just forgot about it.
W people said felt like pure evil; up till now. Now it kinda doesn’t feel like that. Obs complete strangers Idk where they are coming from and Ima not ask them. Like I say tho it feels less evil now.
I heard on TV someone say that, beauty is pain. To my mind and experience it comes from all the things that are said to someone beautiful, who otherwise w feel left alone. Idk.
In Other News
I’m laying everything down on Notes. It’s such a quick task of just whacking everything in. There are times when it feels like there is so little to be done now, and times where it feels like it w take forever; like when I w making an image and struggling.
I just went down and planted my other bean; gave it a good water in. There’s a nice big stick there that might make a nice pole. They might grow so big that Ima not reach the top, so may need more poles.
I feel kinda exhausted w dealing, all the comments that I get. I don’t rly feel like doing much rn. I did well to not get angry and not judge the people who said those things, tho it still affected me, I feel.
I remember when I w just get so upset, at knowing that the more Ima handle the more people say. It felt so unfair and cruel. I felt that it caused me a lot of pain. That’s thru judging them even tho I w not supposed to. I guess I didn’t k how to not see it that way. I felt like I w being tortured.
W w highly relevant today w the law of increasing. Not deeming the situation to be anything, for risk of it escalating. It w like that scene in Ghostbusters where they all try and not think of anything and then one of them thinks of the Stay Puffed Man. I kept it all out of my head tho. I feel that w rly important, and always so.
I say I don’t like it. Around people finding me attractive tho, Idk. I guess I like to feel that way when I feel it w|i myself w no one else’s input. Maybe I do like it Idk. It’s kinda a grey area rly.
Tbh it kinda feels like I’m famous and get a lot of attention. I feel it’s stressful.
Tbh, thinking around w I handle now and w I handled like six years ago it’s like so much personal growth it’s crazy. There’s no way rly that Ima be the same person.
Around feeling young again; I guess that my mind just upgrades itself all the time to be able to deal and my body rly has no choice, than to heal my mind bc I rly need to be feeling where people are coming from and I guess my body frees up those resources, so that Ima be able to do that. I guess this has me feeling like I am younger, maybe in truth I am.
To Dealing
K
Miss K 