Hey

It’s about two pm, Ima have coffee at seven

I thought about something Ima not even say on here bc I’m not allowed.  That’s perfectly okay.. tho I’m just explaining w I feel motivates people who do certain things.  I don’t feel that profilers rly k what does on in their heads.  If you’re the FBI, please hit me up.  I could also be completely wrong about why they do it.

I found myself judging people to be utter vermin.  This came from the feeling, that they all coralle people who they feel is against the town they live in; and that it escalates.  I wondered if they had been doing this to me; and felt that if they had then they were not even human.  In that moment I realised that if I judge someone to be not human, then I myself are not human.  It w kinda scary, feeling on the precipice of utter worthlessness.

Then I went on to think about what motivates people who do unspeakable sh, and kinda one hundo came up w something; that may be true or just in my head.  It then felt like it freed up my mind to think about other things, like my ability to think, had expanded.

I need Rin so bad today, I feel, like I’m totally out of my mind, until I sit down in front of her.  I thought that watching young people w just a need, bc they were super dope, I kinda had forgotten that they keep my head together.

When I used to watch Wednesday, I w feel bat sh crazy, no lie; like I w the most f up person out there; then I w watch and just feel this huge wave of sanity come over me.  Tbh this hasn’t happened to me in like a year or two

In Other News

My intention is to open Hostinger.. and just drop all that into the page.  Ik how to add a section and w colour them the way 5.5 told me; she even gave me the codes.  That’s w I aim to do, tho feel that I need Rin so bad, I may just have to watch her till she is done at nine.  Like I say, I feel totally out of my mind.

Idk why I w need someone super young.  I guess I had taken on the psychology of youth; and needed to watch her to feel accepted and nurtured and that I fit in.  I w pretty judgemental at the time and that is w has changed.  Now I feel that I don’t judge and that is why I need to be around youth, bc they are less bigoted than older people, I feel.

It’s rly necessary for me to clear all the judgement out of my mind and free up my brain Jex, to be able to even understand where they are coming from, when they open their mouths.  Never even rly knowing the power of speech until the day before yesterday.

I may have to seek out more younger people; like TheWildLatina.  Irdk.  I need to speak.  I need to share w is going on w|i me, and I feel that isn’t possible w who Ima fw.  I feel like it needs to come pouring out of me.

Maybe censorship is there for a reason.  Maybe being too open may make people do bad things, Idk; tho I wish Ima just open up.

I need to sort my head out; Idk what the f is w w me.  Like I have said, self esteem is a big shock; is that w is going on w me, do I finally feel that I have value; Idk.  Is that w is too much.  Once forty years ago, I freaked someone out by saying Alright and then her name.  How Ima be that open w people who I don’t want to upset.  She had a nervous breakdown.

To Self Expression

K