It’s about half one pm, Ima have coffee at six
I w rich for a hot minute, I feel. There w this couple. They made some kinda comment about how everyone w snails. She then looked at me, and he said, you’ve looked at her, now yk. So I w riding the bus back home and feeling like.. tbh just like I did when I w a kid, bc we had a decent amount of money.
I don’t feel Ima judge em good, one day. I don’t feel it’s like that. There w this woman in the washroom; and she only tinkled her hands under the tap.
Later I thought how when I went in my brother’s room and he had jacked on something; I just don’t feel like.. Idek how to explain it. It’s like I don’t give a f w people do. It just brought it all back. And then I w like.. well maybe I’m grossly immoral then; Idk, Idc. And at this moment in time I have no desire to judge anyone.
W kinda takes me back to my youth. I get why I kept saying that kids don’t judge. Ik what Ima say there.. it’s like just the total lack of a need to judge people, I feel. Is this some kinda milestone or some sh like that; Idk.
Tho I like not wanting to.
Then this lady said, people on f hard once; and I thought to myself w is even the point then, I feel.
Lunch soon. I got a bunch of sh from the store so Ima not cook. It’s damn hot. I w comfortable all day bc I rly took care of myself.. spraying myself on the bus and making sure that I always had enough water to drink.
Oh there w this schizophrenic Heroin addict at the Chemists I feel. He started swearing at me, I feel. I thought, this is it, Ima die. Actually I had thought that earlier looking at the word salad he w spouting at a million miles an hour and pacing back and forth like a caged animal. I just thought w the sh I’ve been through and suffered, Idec; unbothered.
So I agreed to go Berlin w Aryssa. I hope Ima make enough money to make that a reality. I w thinking about how Ima get here; hell no, through the channel tunnel. I w probably emerge seriously traumatised. Ik what’s it’s like when I go over a bridge on a train and it’s not pretty. Flying is okay, no problem w that; just feels like a coach driving through the air. It’s quite fun actually and hella quick, w is probably the most benefit.
Berlin tho, that’s a take a hot minute, a few hours I guess, maybe just three Idk.
I’m thinking about abuse. It is a feeling of complete and utter worthlessness, I feel. Not understanding anyone when they say that I needed to be treated better; not even agreeing w it, not even noticing that someone there w pointing something pretty major out, I feel.
So much sh makes sense to me rn. Omg. It’s like things finally clicked. Anyone and everyone w point out f up sh and have boundaries against it, they w spot when someone is abusive in a millisecond. I no longer feel blind to it. And there’s no way on God’s Green Earth that I w wanna put myself through some sh like that, I feel.
In Other News
I wanna try and get the page done, while this hot weather. Tbh that’s a pretty unrealistic expectation; I feel it w take much longer than that. Then there’s running it through the copywriter.
Ima not give myself a deadline bc I rly have no clue; tho like I say, I feel rn is the time to be working on it
To Not Wanting To Judge
K
Miss K 