Hey

It’s about one pm, Ima have coffee at three

I feel Ima enter a new reality; Idk if it’s youth reality.  It feels like it kinda is, it feels a lot the same tho just kinda weaker, yk it doesn’t have that much presence.

It’s still a challenge to not judge.  I guess nothing’s gonna change.  I like tho that Ima feel it from time to time tho.  I keep my hard thoughts out and it just fills the space that they took up; for a minute.

It’s the kinda feeling where it just feels like a feeling of rightness or even sanity, like it’s the absence of anxiety I guess, kinda; some kinda peace rly where just there’s not this feeling of something going wrong or having to worry about something going wrong, yk.

It also makes me feel that I am capable of stuff, kinda; like self esteem or something.  It’s a different feeling to the business that Ima do something that rly makes my life better.  It’s the kinda feeling where life is better already, kinda.

And I rly feel that not judging or worrying has allowed this feeling in as the absence of these things has made space for it; to settle and grow and become something that Ima feel; a little.

I don’t expect this feeling to grow quick.  Like I say, it w hard for me today to not judge people; tho I managed okay.  They are like impulses in my mind that Ima avoid, they’re quite strong and quite a struggle.

In Other News

I’ve just found out how to splice two images together.  I did an image that had negative space on it; the thing w tho that I feel that it had degraded the quality of the image.  So Ima take the original and the negative space on the defective one and splice them together.  Thinking on my feet Idk how Ima get the size identical tho Ima crop it down a bit when one part is overhanging the other, maybe.  Don’t rly wanna think about it rn tbh.

I’ve got some chores rn to do before Rin is on.

My focus is still J’s commandments over all other things; like the business and whatever else.  This feeling that I have been having is w I w.  I want it to grow and become stronger.  I want to be in that reality and fully appreciate it.  I feel that it w take hella time to get there tho at least I feel it some of the time.  It w something that I remember just feeling okay in myself and I want that back.  It w a long time ago tho w effort I feel Ima get there.

To feel this feeling tho, even a little bit, has been a long time goal and it’s super dope that I now do.  It is encouraging my motivation, to keep on w things and has given me that faith that that goal is actually attainable; eventually.

I look at me now and never w have thought that I w be this person or be this way.  Ima see the future the same that Ima look back and have that feeling fully and just be in awe at what is possible just w consistent effort; hopefully

To Attaining The Impossible

K