Hey

It’s five pm, Ima have coffee in forty minutes

I liked being at Croquet today; won one of the games.  One of the guys w playing amazing tho did manage to beat him once, like I say

For a hot minute, felt that people were saying stuff about me; kinda.  I wasn’t judging that that w w it w, tho Idk.  At one point I felt that they only said things when I w already triggered, w felt unfair; I then stopped judging that way; forgot about it.

Yesterday this led to me feeling that Ima go to heaven.  I w scared that this w happen again tho it didn’t.  That’s good.  It’s not a heaven that I want to go to, seems more like hell.  In fact I don’t actually believe that it is heaven, Idk what it is.

Idek why it w happening.  I thought it w bc my medication w lowered tho tbh I have no proof.  It c be, bc my hedgehog pathway w opening.  It’s easy to feel that someone c get cancer from doing this, as sometimes does happen, I feel.

The experiments that are going on, must be resulting in high cancer risk w their anti ageing drugs, that are mostly hedgehog pathway stimulants; or an anti aging drug w be out rn, I feel.

It’s exciting research and I’m happy to be at the forefront, I feel of following J’s commandments.  It’s such a mash that science seems to back it up, I feel.

I mean the triggers are less and less, just like when I w young; kinda.  I honestly feel that it w get me there when I don’t remember literally anything setting me off.  It’s easy to get scared bc it’s such a profound thing.  I feel it only natural to wonder if Ima go to heaven, I mean like that w actually mean that I’m immortal I feel; kinda.  It’s huge; like there is nothing this big on the planet rn, I feel.

I used to wonder w it w be like to be a kid.  Like how w adults treat me, an adult kid.  It seems no bother at all as I feel that I am already there.  I don’t see much difference honestly to actually being one.

I w sitting at the Park, just actually accepting that this w happen, I felt; and it w just like not even like a major thing to me, it’s so surreal; and yet like I say the most normal thing and down to earth thing there is.  It’s just being back to being totally healthy, I feel.

There are so many age related problems.  Luckily I have avoided some; like high blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes, asthma, cholesterol.

I w disappointed in the mirror a little; tho I realised that my hair has stopped dropping; I feel that’s a good sign.

Tbh how c it bother me.  There’s something inside of me that tells me that it won’t be something to worry about.

So it’s just, watch Aryssa tonight, take my new batch of pills and go from there; just life as normal.  Honestly this is f me up w w is going on here; and at the same time nothing is going on.  I’m just more at peace w the people around me, like I used to be; like bopping around and just being in the vibe.

To The Vibe

K