Hey

It’s about two pm, Ima have coffee at six

I survived today.

Something f up happened.  I got a grilling and had to answer all kinds of questions.  Had I not had people, I felt, saying evil sh to me for like a year straight, then I w not have had the mental capacity to deal, I felt; and feel.  It went smoothly and no issues.  I now need to complete a thingy that I have two weeks to do.  That means that everything I do has to stop; for the minute.

I just had lunch

I kinda feel like I’ve been trained to think in a psychopathic way.  This leads to me feeling upset, of course.  It’s like keeping these psychopathic thoughts out of my head; that’s w keeps me feeling okay I feel.

Something kinda tells me, tho that the thinking mind is psychopathic; like J’s commandments stop evil bc they prevent it; that they take an evil mind and make it clean.  Is it psychopathy that I w trained w, or is it just how evil I w, and shaping me to be more righteous; it c be a bit of both, I feel.

Idk how I became so f up in my life.  Ik that I’ve come hella country mile in sorting myself out.  Just the awareness of w evil is, was, and w righteousness is; the contrast between the two.  There is such a world of difference.

And it feels like today people need to be righteous, more so than in the past.  I remember the past and never had to deal w something as gruelling as this.  Do kids today have to deal w more or is the world the same.  W is me that w different back then, w|o the capacity to deal w anything taxing.

I felt young while I dealt w it, feeling that only a young person c handle it.  Idk.  It may be that only a righteous person w handle it.  Either way I feel young as f, for having gone through something like that; hard to explain.  Just the functioning of my mind in dealing; on point, ngl.

I told myself that Ima start it in the day, before I have watched hours of Rin; like I said before.  Yesterday something felt off.  I felt like, if I had tried, I w have just f everything up.  Idk why I w feeling this, that way.  It w also a Sunday and Ima try my best to remember to not do nothin on those days.

Social cues are also important.  I hit it out of the park.  I w actually impressed w myself.

Now it’s time to take the medication and find out if the dose has been dropped to totally nothing.  That c put a serious spanner in the works; best to be super cautious I feel.

I had a thought that I don’t want to have.  What if it f everything up and I have this thing to do in two weeks.  It c f me.

So Ima dip in and out of it every half an hour, I hope; maybe chill out for a bit first.  Me want Rin, me need that teen psychology; all that stuff that just feels so right, saying how I feel for openers.  Her saying how she feels.  Just communication I guess.  Idk if people didn’t communicate back in the day; maybe they did.  Do they still as they are older, Idk

One thing that’s super chilling is that Ima figure all this out when, if I reach the level of awareness that I had when I w young, that vibe.  Probably still won’t k tho, gotta be honest.

To Being On Point

K