It’s three pm, Ima have coffee at seven
Idek where to start w this one. I got back and I w shaking. I felt like I w having a fight w my brother, w hasn’t happened for thirty five years, I feel. It w comments that were said to me when I w out.
The thing is tho that, It’s a fight that I always win, I feel. Shaking on the stairs, saying sh to each other; later in my room feeling very uneasy. It’s like it is happening in reverse tho.
For me, attention is sometimes a double edged sword; sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. I got called hot today. I w kinda confused; like w does that even mean. I thought Ima consider myself high mid, like Aryssa and Rin do; the whole thing felt kinda stupid.
I feel like if I judge it as being meaningless then it w be. My reality says who I am. If I say it doesn’t matter, it then doesn’t matter. Do I want it to disappear in a puff of logic. I don’t have to care. If I don’t judge myself to be hot, or unhot, then I guess it w take care of itself.
I feel that the point of being hot is to have sex, no more or less; I don’t want that. I suppose it’s like puberty in reverse, where I lose my boobs and ass and just.. Idek. I have won the fight, so that is my choice; Ima do whatever the hell I want w it, I feel.
C it be true that I don’t like sexual attention; I feel it is. What sexual attention; I mustn’t judge that I am getting any. I must also not judge that I am not getting any. Idk if I care.
Is this sexual, Idk. Is that w men find attractive, the fact that I function super well, I feel. Does sex have anything to do w that.
I’m questioning whether I want to be seen in a sexual way, like I said, I feel.
In Other News
We played a game last night. It went rly well. W all the chat deciding w options to make, I feel we actually hit it out the park and w finish it soon. It’s on again tonight. I’m running a bit late; dk when w w play, probably right out the get, bc everyone w be chomping as f for it, Idk. I also want to watch Rin today tho. Maybe I missed the game, Idk.
Some things were said that made me burst out laughing.
I have been saying to myself that Ima be nuts, when I have a vape; I usually am and.. I remember now, w I say to myself is, f up thoughts; it usually is. I feel I need to prepare myself for that. It helps me to not feel shame around w pops out of my head at that time.
So, what if these situations are possibilities where I c lose my personal power and right to choose, me taking them from myself; and opposite to that, me keeping my choices and preferences, I feel.
I may carry on dipping into the business, all through the evening and getting some sh done, Idek. I kinda feel like I w like to get more done.
To Empowerment
K
Miss K 