Hey

It’s about one pm, Ima have Chamomile at five

Someone didn’t talk to me just now.  I took it to mean that he wanted a f; and I never w okay w that, I feel.

The Business

I struggled w it.  I found that it wasn’t laying down my paragraphs the way I needed it to.  I had to turn them into images and put them in.  It worked so seems that everything is okay.

Ima not struggle that much w w people say.  I don’t like the word rip tho.  Reminds me of my Dad when I used to swear; makes me feel unc as f.

So it’s back to just working on things like every half an hour.  Gotta do some tidying up first, tho wanna have a rest.

Chamomile gives me a headache.  The thing is tho that, caffeine also has like a negative side effect so rly Idc what I do.  Like I say, Ima try it this evening.

Just feel dragged kicking and screaming into youth rn.  Dealing more and more w w people say.  It just feels like that is where it is taking me.  I guess that if Unc is the problem then..  I guess that through hearing things that make me feel like Ima not deal, I w get there.  Dk why Ima kinda talk about it negatively.  It’s the process rly of dealing w all the sh that people say, that they w only say to a younger person, kinda Idk.

I went to Hampton today.  It w so f chill, it w literally like one long asmr video.  I had to drink my cola and thought about the Chamomile at that point; decided to swing round ALDI on the way back.

Lunch soon

I got some Garlic Mayo to have with my peas and yoghurt.  Actually it’s mixed veg.

Ima wonder if it’s dealing w all these comments and things people say, that is making me feel more youthful.  Is my brain developing in response to new stimuli.  I also need to lose the brain map of worry and judgement also; so as that dwindles the resources can be allocated or given to the other.

I feel that at times when I feel someone has been offensive it gets harder to not judge.  I remember feeling such shame like six years ago when someone w do something that I w offended at; bc of judging the f out of them, that I couldn’t stop and it went on for so long.

I felt that the rip w caused by me judging them.  I felt like they had made me judge them and it hurt like f, like trapped me in this torture reality for half a day.  It w happen every single day I feel, at least.  It w hell, ngl.

If I c just tell someone that it gets better.  It took six years to get where I am tho..

To Things Getting Better

K