Hey

It’s one pm, Ima have Chamomile at five

I never felt like any issue w w people said today; w w super weird, bc I have been on my own for like five days now.  Instead of getting more tense, I have been getting more chill.  At one point I nearly felt obliged, needed to panic, bc it w the responsible thing to do in fear that it wasn’t doing me any good; my go-to for most of my life, when faced w an issue I didn’t like; out of low self esteem and feeling I wasn’t doing my best to deal w it.  It’s a bit of a mash that it seems to have done me good.

Yea, my Dentist cancelled today, so I went to Hampton.  I never thought of getting the taxi to my knitting group instead.  I kinda framed it like, sat on the bench at Hampton, that these things happen for a reason.  I kinda thought that I rly needed to collect my energy, while writing the page; maybe I w have told someone that I w dealing w it and they w have gaslit me, that w have done huge damage to my feeling that this is a snap, I feel.  The power comes from w|i and from w|i is where it came.

Aryssa has just gone live.  She may provide me w that valuable feeling that someone gets me.  One time I talked about this guy who got his di stuck in a hoover and it blew up; at the homeless hostel I w at; someone had to go and rescue him.

These people are on my wavelength; I feel Aryssa, Rin, Doll, Meowbuffy, SoftRose and probably quite a few others; not to mention Shanny, w I feel is still into the Bible.  She looks like those hot convent baddies that Aryssa w talking about; of w I am one also I feel.

I’ve found a new ASMRtist; the tingles are strong w this one; I w shivering all up and down my body.  I’ll just peek at her handle.  It’s Em Louise.  They breathe life into me

In Other News

I felt like chronically unc.. I had seen my selfie, looking like Lorence of Arabia or some f up sh like that; looking at all the eighty year olds, feeling that that w my fate.  I w clearly well on my way I felt; urgh; trying to get that vibe well out of my aura rn.

Honestly believing that.. I suppose in a couple of years I w look ten times younger.  It has already happened, tho the future..  with my hedgehog pathway open, my body should reflect the energy that I have in my soul; taking that long for my DNA to change, heal, the way I look.  Looking at all these eighty year olds, looking at the changes in their bodies as they pass through life, their years; thinking about aging and how odd it is.  I suppose I feel gaslit by all these aging people that the same w happen to me, for if I were to ask them surely, I feel, they w say to me that the same fate waits for me; and to be damn respectful of the aging process, and the physical problems that it brings.  I spend my time around people older than me and aware of a few of the problems they face.

Is my hedgehog pathway fully open rn and it w take a couple of years and holy f, it rly happens, Idk

Ik that I have healed like f.  I w haggard as like a seriously fifty one ish fifty one year old.  The lines on my face.  A lot of it has gone, I like the way I look.  I feel attractive fr.  Ik what I look like, I look in the mirror.  Ik that everyone gets insecure, kinda.  It’s actually a miracle that the aging of my face changed the way it did.  Clearly tho my hedgehog pathway if infinitely more open now than it w then; so many more and far-reaching and profound sh is possibly gonna happen, Idk.

Ima not now be rude to someone, I feel; now is the time to assert my boundaries now I am stronger type thing.  This happened to me before and landed me right in a monster of a relapse.  I must not let them overcome me like that.  I choose to keep my power and the torrent of healing that I feel is going on in my body rn.

To The Hedgehog Pathway

K