It’s one pm, Ima have coffee at six
I bought some stuff to do Biryani for lunch.
I had the feeling that when I w feeling a judgmental way.. it w my brain Jex, purging itself of that particular kind of judgement. The Town I live in felt like a sh hole. People were just giving me looks around w I felt super uncomfortable, as I do every morning. I feel Ima live here, in this Town, that these are my people.
I felt like a teen w being super racist. I kinda feel shocked at this. Like here I am at fifty one, and I don’t have racist feelings anything like w he w saying I feel. I had kinda assumed that judgment grew w age, I feel. This seems to disagree w that philosophy. To be fair to him, maybe w he w saying w right. He is around these people day in and day out and hears everything they say, I feel. Maybe they have actually been saying it. Ima not think about it, it’s a total mash.
I got the bus to Hampton. It ended up sunny as I w coming home, w w nice. For lunch today I have to cook, so may have to come back later. It takes about twenty two minutes. Ima not remember when to put the vegan chicken and Shallots in the frying pan.
Just had lunch; not bad, rice w a little underdone; do it for one minute longer next time.
I may watch Aryssa tonight. I just wasn’t in the mood last night. I watched ASMR and fell asleep. My friend then rang me and woke me up and then I went back. Rin is off for a whole week, w means that I w be starved of Rin for the whole of that time. I no longer feel the need for them to make me feel sane. I feel that me being on my own for like a week, has done that. I feel my truth gets polluted when around other people; maybe.
I forgot to have vegan Chicken on my breakfast this morning and needed a packet of crisps at Hampton. Now I w be having much more protein bc of the vegan Chicken Biryani. I also have some protein powder in soya milk before bed. I whisk it so that it doesn’t have lumps, then whisk the whisk to clean it and run it under the cold tap.
I got meningitis once, I feel, and feel it w bc of the protein powder I w spilling on my side, getting mixed w water. I feel the rash started the same time I w put on a drip. I had tremendous, hella, issues looking at even normal light; my chin wouldn’t touch my chest and I feel there must have been other signs. I don’t like modern medicine tho I feel it has saved my life at least a couple of times; the other time w w I feel I had Anthrax.
This is w I am so wary of relapses. Maybe I still have to come off my pills; that scares me. Last time I freaked, I feel. I feel I w reliving the sensation of feeling Ima die when I felt I w attacked at the magistrates court. Hopefully Ima process that and be able to come off it. My psychiatrist rly wanted me off it and it w super duper disappointing that I c not. It’s a black box medication and best not to be on it unless I need it. I don’t need it according to her diagnosis, I feel tho just am not able to get off it.
In Other News
Hopefully the business w be making money soon. There is little else needed to be done but build the page. It might raise my self esteem to have it all working and this may allow me to come off the medication. Maybe I am just too different for the people in this town and that is causing me a lot of problems w freaking out, Idk
To Coming Off Medication
K
Miss K 