It’s about four thirty pm, Ima have coffee at six
I had Croquet. I felt like people were being evil towards me. It may affect my mental health. I may need to ring Samaritans later. Sometimes I have my TV hallucinating that Ima die when I’ve had a day like this. Idk why people were saying evil things all the way home. It seems to happen when I am rly struggling w just feels so unfair and cruel.
It’s good tho, that I seem to be getting on w people better tho. I stopped for about half an hour and had a chat; it w nice. I don’t think I’ll be able to work on the business tonight for fear of the hallucinations. It’s a shame bc I rly wanted to get on w it.
Idk how long these periods of feeling f up w last. I suppose they w go on for good, as long as Ima not handle it. Then probably the cruelest thing to happen of all; they w stop only when I’m able to handle it. I remember when I w young and I didn’t have people talking evil around me all the time.
I kinda get that they are only human and they are dealing w sh. People can rly take advantage unfettered, unchecked. I must not judge that they are not valid; not bc they are, tho bc.. that w bring judgement on me. I w be judged that I am as evil as they are I feel; kinda
Ima no longer hold my breath for the time when Ima deal w this. Idk how long it w go on for. I must stop lying to myself; the evidence is clear, it goes on and on, I feel.
I got through it tho; so far. It can go on for several days tho. Once I am weakened; like I say people seem to unload all their hate on me, I feel; and I feel it rly takes it’s toll on my health. I feel that all I need is a slight negative mood and they w all do this, one after another after another; I’m scared.
At least Ima relax w the business, I feel. This should allow me to calm slightly. I feel kinda freaked out that maybe people are.. like I say, evil. Maybe to be real about it, they only pick on the chronically weak; I hope I have a little strength.
Like I say tho, it is wrong of me to judge that they directly hate me; maybe; tho the effect is the same, I am harmed; I feel. Hopefully not this time tho, tho like I say I must not lie to myself. Kinda questioning why human beings are even like this. It doesn’t seem to serve the greater good for people to just struggle so much, I feel.
BRAiNROT just went live. I so need her kinda vibe rn.
I wonder if it is like a pot of frogs w everyone pulling everyone down by ripping all and sundry; everyone. Or are they just people standing up for themselves; maybe it is a mix of both. Is this the very nature of evil. These things I don’t want to think about as they are judgement. I must allow myself to not even k the answer to this. I hope Ima forget all about it.
I don’t feel this is moaning, as Ima not say that Ima so this to this person or that to that person. Idk; or hate them, I feel.
It felt like I w having something that Ima not mention on here, it’s inappropriate; when people just say things around w I feel super duper scared. I suppose it’s like being choked, I feel. I guess some people are into that.
To Dealing And Accepting The Struggle
K
Miss K 