Hey

It’s three pm, Ima have coffee in two hours

I feel that I got caught in a bit of racial crossfire at the shop.  I felt that something w said to me; maybe; judging who w right and who w wrong when I got home and w making my Biryani; not rly tho.  It c have just been a misunderstanding.  It w a little bit funny that they were going for each other, I feel

This happens every single day, and has been happening for six years I feel; several times a day at the worst point.  So it’s like a curve.  It w stop soon then.  I imagine that it looks the same increasing and decreasing so thinking about when it started..  it won’t be long before it, like I say has stopped, I feel; about a year maybe; slowly petering out gradually.

To a kid, a bar brawl is funny; and when I say kid, I mean me, when I w like three years old, I feel.  I got it one hundo, adults are crazy, I felt.  I feel that it w the most bizarre thing that I had ever seen at that point.

So; theoretically.. it c be a year before my hedgehog pathway is fully opened, I feel.  That’s new to me, I never thought about it like that.  Kinda want this whole old age off me, tbh.  The lingering thought that it w happen to me, I feel; tho tbh it doesn’t even be on like my radar; like how c I ever think that I’m old, I feel.

And yet at the same time just wanting to be rid of that label, possibility, for good.  Once and for all, goodbye

Holy sh am I rly writing that; hmmn, sweet smell of the possibility the feeling of just never feeling that way again; like I w w I w a kid.  I never feared it, at all.

I had an experience when I felt I w gonna die and from there on out I just had it foremost on my mind.  I became very sick I feel.  I had to write on my phone bc my thoughts were just f me super duper bad; to this, present day, kinda some way there

In Other News

I looked for Co Ords, on the Next App.  I didn’t like w I w seeing and just forgot that idea quick smart.  I now have given up I feel and w just get stuff on Shein.  Maybe if Ima get them on ASOS.  That kinda seems the polar opposite to Next; tho I w looking in the H&M shop and it w pretty much the same deal.  I guess I’m lucky to have found something w so much of that about.  How does it not vibe w me, why am I so different.

I’m a little scared of hallucinating after the incident today, I feel I kinda am rn.  Rin hallucinates and it’s something that she deals w.  I hope that Ima hallucinate and be able to handle it.

To Seeing And End To Feeling Messed Up

K