It’s six pm, I just had coffee
My day w interesting; people saying a lot of sh that w a challenge to deal w; tho I did. I w upset for a little while in the morning tho the rest of the day went pretty good. Something also happened a bit later tho it didn’t bother me too much. It’s like w Rin says, when she is @ home by herself, she calms down pretty fast.
And realising rly the value of not judging people; and seeing that when I w a kid there w a reason that I never judged anyone I feel; and why sanity seems to stem from that. It all makes a lot of sense rn; or at least it did earlier when it rly hit me.
Feeling that there are two ways to go; having a go at people when they say sh that feels bad, and just dealing. I feel that one strengthens the number of Neurones and the other reduces them, bc not that much of the mind is needed when there is like a way of stopping that from happening, I feel.
Aware that I c lose it all by starting to judge people, and rly owning that I want to not judge anymore, bc that w keep me safe from that. That’s w being a kid w all about, never wanting to judge anyone; that’s w I’m gunning for, hopefully, I feel.
The business is on hold as it is the Sabbath today. Had Croquet and got on w the people better. It seems easier when I don’t judge and rly being confused as to how, why that works for people and it doesn’t work for me. I guess I just wanna get younger and that’s how I deal. Hoping that my body starts regenerating.
At the same time I vibe w older people and younger people alike. C it be true that people who judge don’t get on w younger people if they are older or the younger don’t get on w the older. I feel it allows me to get on w pretty much anyone; tho Ik what abuse feels like and there are certain situations that I don’t want to be part of; also having every single homeless person asking me for money is something that never worked for me and I felt it w dangerous.
I just tried to take my curtain down w is a sheet pinned to the wall; it wouldn’t come, so I left it
Just had to grab anything I c today. There w no way to come home and get lunch. Ima hope to get some veg later and get some nutrition in that way. I must get some garlic.
Definitely handling more these days, tho people just seem to say more and more, constantly playing catch up. I suppose this is accelerating me.
I kinda wondered if when, I felt like I w gonna die all the time, it w bc my hedgehog pathway w opening; bc that w mean that I never have to go back to feeling like that as long as I keep the commandments and don’t regress; wondering heavily if I w given placebo tablets, bc those feelings only come when my meds are reduced I feel. I c be on one mg rn bc I don’t feel that I am off it. Also the freak outs only happened once, w w mean that the dose w only reduced once.
I guess a psychiatrist w be allowed to give placebo w|o telling me if I w addicted to the medication and I feel I w and my psychiatrist also told me that she thought so too. I w reassured that that wasn’t happening tho that c have been total horse sh.
To Dealing W More
K
Miss K 