It’s two thirty pm, Ima have coffee at six
I just got someone ask me for ___. I am a little triggered; from earlier as well just feeling scared on the way home. I felt like someone w gonna take my water.
It’s hot as f; and humid like a bi.
I felt scared that I w get triggered by someone I felt w highly unpleasant and I w end up the feeling like Ima die later; that’s one of the reasons this dude coming up to me wasn’t welcome, bc like I say it w more stress. I also feel I w never f someone who it felt like they only w into me bc of the way I look; or anyone else, I feel.
Ima try and calm down from it. Usually when I get home I’m alright. It helps that Rin told me that she gets like brainfog and can’t even like think when on stream and then when she get’s off she’s okay. I guess that this going on is totally okay.
She w traumatised by an accident and I wonder if w is happening to me is from feeling like I w attacked in the Magistrate’s Court. It w just so nice to meet someone who w going through the same sh and like she just deals and that actually helps hella much.
I guess there’s no getting away from it. She has strong boundaries and w nip it in the bud every time she feels that someone is trying to take advantage, I feel; and I just kinda hope for the best tho today told this person no; twice.
Rin told of a situation where someone stops to talk and ends up asking for ___. I feel that she felt that this w the worst kinda human. Like I say it w not something that I needed. Maybe she feels that way, bc they are making girls feel unsafe when they are out and about. Ima not judge tho.
After him, I felt like everyone w looking at me in some kinda way like I w some kinda f pork chop or something. I feel that people in this town are very much like that. I went to London and I just felt one hundo safe.
It kinda makes sense bc I feel the culture here is that people feel people worthless if they are not f. It w follow, stand to reason then, that everyone here is just f a lot; or they are super duper hypocrites and Incels, Idk. It c mean that they are just projecting their inability to sc onto other people, I feel. Idrly like talking about this.
Idk why I am judging. I must not do that. It’s exercising the unhealthy brain jex I feel. I want to get away from having thoughts like that about people. I had to literally walk past people telling myself, it’s okay they want to look at you, just let them look. I feel that’s kinda how it is here; for me rn at least; like it’s okay normally tho when I feel threatened it just much more of a threat; like the implication being that another f person is gonna do that again.
I feel like OhStella at this point w her f gooner army. Ima not go that way, I feel. I don’t want for it to be a problem like all the time, yk; never say never tho, I may be literally fighting them the f off.
I feel this is a blessing; like I have a reality problem and that I just am not aware of their true intentions. It’s good for people to show themselves at times; then Ik who they are and in hopes that it is not w it looks like, like feeling like everyone is a basic piece of sh.
I rly feel like I’ve lost it at this point, Idek why they are looking. That’s the benefit that this c have for me that I just feel scared bc Idk who people are.
To Getting Gooned On
K
Miss K 