It’s about a quarter to six pm, I just had coffee
I had this crazy experience; it kinda made sense. I felt like everything that everyone said w like the most hateful insults ever. I kinda figured that, it may have been just the way my mind painted everything; after someone w not let me past on the escalator; can’t imagine why someone w not do that, it’s obstruction w is illegal, someone told me once.
It felt like everyone w super duper evil, that they w all scheme to tear me. It felt horrid; tho it filled me w the feeling that it all wasn’t real and that w pretty dope. Thinking again about the hedgehog pathway and how my increased Neurones w be allowing this. Just giving me the power of awareness that it just.. Idk how it does it, tho more Neurones equals more processing power so it just makes sense.
This has only happened twice, where I felt that this evil reality w not real. I remembering asking my psychiatrist for the solution to getting triggered only to find out that there wasn’t one. I realise that I may now have it; in the long term with work, I feel.
I freaked again. I thought that.. this morning I felt like this c not happen. It’s okay tho. I am hallucinating a bit tho I feel kinda okay.
In Other News
The business has been on hold bc I have been mashed up, as it often is, I feel. I have done the reviews a little and found some good ones. I need to ask 5.5 where to put them in my Funnel. Ima take self care w myself and just do what I can; w isn’t a lot, I feel.
I fell asleep when I got home and now need to brush my teeth.
I need Rin, she is off for a week. Ik that I fell asleep more often than not during her streams. I just need that infusion of sanity rn; after feeling like a sack of sh today. Outer Banks is also waiting for me. I’m on episode eight of series two I think, so have two series to go, before the one that is brand new.
I wanna see Jayce.. Ima not spoil it bc people may not have thought of the ending that I have come up w.
I have been listening to music lately. I have an old pair of Sony headphones that Ima use right up till my birthday; then I have a keyboard and headphones as a present from ALDI. I may even put away stuff for Christmas if they come up w some good stuff; a friend of mine always gets me the magazine. I have some sunglasses and slippers coming from Shein. I looked on there before and they didn’t have many sunglasses tho now they have more.
Tbh my consciousness is fine. Ima deal w younger people w|o feeling uncomfortable around them; that is the main goal and objective. Idk how, why I am so drawn to experience that; I just remember when I lost it and always wanting to get it back. The more I get it back the more I like it. Tbh I now accept that it is the way I want to feel, like for good. For context, JF Hailey said that she w only felt like she w in reality in her twenties.
Idk if I’ve said this before tho.. yes I have. I love the direction she has gone in w the supernatural stuff.
To Surviving The Tear
K
Miss K 