It’s eight thirty, Ima have coffee in a couple of minutes
I feel so f crazy w all the f up sh that’s going through my head. I guess that’s why it’s good to let it out. I guess let it out is probably the wrong way to say it as it has the connotation that Ima unload on people. It’s like me as a person is trapped w|i as if I don’t let it out how are they gonna know who I am; the person they are talking to, well that won’t actually be me.
So yes, at least two people, now know me. I feel seen and heard like I have value for feeling like this f up piece of sh.
In Other News
I have my reviews now written. Idk if they w do, tho Ima not worry about it. I now need to highlight them up. I have examples of ones that I w like them to look like. It’s getting dangerously close to the finished end of funnel.
I got myself a duvet set from ALDI. I need a sheet now.
I guess that, just bc it feels like something goes f’ery McCluckery wrong, that doesn’t mean that it w do. I feel like all this sh is in my head like all this agony being concerned about people’s intentions. Don’t get me wrong there’s some super evil people out there, I run into them frequently, a lot. Am I the evil one, could I have lost my sh and done something unspeakable, yeah probably tho Ima pay it no mind.
When I point outwards at this evil that Ima deal w, am I rly pointing to myself. I never accepted fallibility before. And I’m so scared that I have aspd, I literally feel so f crazy.
I leave comments on YouTube and have about ten hearts. I must fight the feeling. I must allow the possibility that they like and appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. Is that w scares me, that people might feel something for me. It’s funny bc that is all I c ever want, why w that scare me. I feel like if they did, then all w be right w the world, c it be holding me back that I am judging people as evil. Does it prevent me from feeling the real way that people feel about me. Something inside tells me that this is true. Is this how I access that utopia reality where I go to a place and it feels like heaven on earth.
I had ginseng today. It could be bad for me and that scares me. Have I gone overboard w all these hedgehog pathway stimulating supplements. I don’t rly give a sh. I want to get a 10oz bottle and split a monster into two so that Ima take out an amount w me that doesn’t leave me freaked out and in a reality of snowballing triggers that leads to total mental collapse and me ringing Samaritans. Ima get over myself; I’m crazy I feel, boo hoo. I guess it got old, tho it never gets old. It’s like a race to be the craziest one of all. Back In the day it w Jessica Fletcher and rose coloured glasses and The Fonz and happy days, how things have gone off. I guess this is just people being real about w is going on w them internally.
Soon I w be running an offer. W if it hits, w if I end up living in a nice block of flats in Town. People already treat me like I have so much value, rly they already treat me like I have all that. There’s no chance on G’s green sh hole that they are gonna treat me any different. Yes I finally accept that it’s w scares me, that people might value me. I kinda k w w happen. I w start to see myself through a different lens where it doesn’t matter how people see me. It w feel totally normal to feel respected, appreciated. That there is Kid Consciousness. Finally getting to the point. Just the mash of actually being a kid again and that it w actually be possible, a Goddamn miracle, honest to goodness miracle. I finally understand myself
To A Miracle
K
Miss K 