It’s two thirty am, I’m having coffee
Yesterday I kinda felt a relapse coming on. I w thinking about The Gospel Of Thomas and that usually happens then. I also started hallucinating while I w at Knit and Natter; tho Ik that they were hallucinations and just ignored them. That’s the the thing w hallucinations, that if I buy the hateful things they are saying I w become ill; like it’s bending the things that people are saying to like the worst evil sh ever.
I’ve been having problems w AI making images. They just keep not coming out right even tho I have already made ones that have. I am doing review cards. It’s problems w the highlighted part of them. I thought about putting them into 3.3 and seeing how I go.
In Other News
I liked being at Knit and Natter today. I felt that an evil person bothered me when I w in ALDI tho; there w three beggars, I feel acting like they were better than everyone and talking down to me and that they followed me bc they wanted money and sex, it felt horrid. I had to go back for a tin of tomatoes and w super scared to go down there not knowing w w gonna happen.
It’s funny how people seem to be going nuts for me like that, something that never happened before I had my glow up; c people rly be so basic. I felt like everyone in the store w looking out for me, this one person even told me to look when one of them w packing for someone for money, I feel. It’s crazy how people nuts for me at my age I feel.
I w scared that I w start hallucinating w that kind of, level of stress tho it didn’t happen; tho I didn’t want to watch Aryssa or Rin, w happens when I am ill I feel. Luckily I fell asleep quite quickly, w means that I miss them, tho is one hundo the better option.
I don’t feel like complaining about all this; bc I looked in the mirror and c see no wrinkles, on top of this w that my eyes looked so tight I w just shook.
Tho
I’ve been focussing on my Brain Jex. I have been trying to not judge bc I don’t want to exercise that part of my brain. I feel that any judging at all w expand that brain map and that I don’t want. Ima starve it of thought so much that it shrinks and eventually disappears altogether; rly what I mean is judgement and worry.
I had realized that there are soft and hard thoughts; later figuring out that hard thoughts are just too dark to be thinking and always upsetting. Idk why I have so many dark thoughts, c be bc of the damage to my body that I have suffered over the years.
I w thinking about my life and had I made up that it w abuse. I felt tho that on taking two weeks away from w I felt were people w aspd I had for the first time realized that I wasn’t completely worthless and as worthy as everyone else; and that I felt that she w a narcissist and had to be a vulnerable narcissist ergo, therefore someone w aspd. I then thought about my brother who I feel has the same illness as a serial killer and that w it, I just stopped thinking about it. If someone wets the bed it means they have an illness I heard JFHailey tell me and it’s the same illness that makes someone a serial killer. That’s it for me, I must never pi him off I feel, in fear of what he may do. Also I’m in fear that one day he kills a bunch of people. That w be two people who I have met that have done that if it happens.
To Tight Eyes
K
Miss K 