Hey

It’s five pm, Ima have coffee at eight

I feel I’ve been dealing w a lot of ra.  I’ve been getting lascivious comments that felt like they came from that kinda person, fr.  I feel that it affected my mental health pretty badly tho I never had the hallucinations Ima die, probably bc I took it easy for a couple of days.

It w not rly w I w to learn that leveling up w bring those kinda people out the woodwork I feel and I feel they should stay in their lane.

I wasn’t able to work on the business I feel; like I say, I wouldn’t want to be having those hallucinations so stayed away from stress like the plague.  It worked like I say, I w okay; I mean kinda, like hearing sh that makes me fear for my life is just blatant abuse rly, better not sugar coat that sh I feel; and hella serious abuse at that.

I wonder if people think that hot girls have such an easy run at life.  I way don’t feel that we do; the hotter I got the more messed up sh just kept happening I feel.  It now got to the point when I see a hot girl-the first thing I say to myself is how’s it going w the gooner abuse; when you know you know, I feel.  Easy to see how no one in their right mind w wanna be hot.  Just the sh gets worse and worse I feel and only the committed w see it through around how egregiously nasty she damn-well k it’s gonna get I feel.

Ima not judge those that say those things.  I don’t wanna be their victim one day w the life-changing nature of the attack, I feel.  I feel that if offended things w go very badly.

And

The funny thing w w that me feeling my feelings rly took off after a couple of these encounters.  It rly disturbs me to own that that is true I feel.  It feels like a veil that has to be broken through and handling just fearing for my life and then they somehow just don’t wanna say that sh anymore I guess and I’m free of it for good; tho not, bc every time I experienced a new f up behavior on the path to hotness, I w stuck w it for good.  Even the posers that dogged me right at the start still rip me open sometimes.  I honestly don’t wanna even touch that fact w a ten foot bargepole; Ima pretend that it just ain’t so, don’t wanna be owning that that sh is one hundo gonna happen again; and again; and again.

This town I feel has mondo abusive people.  I risk that every walk to town and about fifty percent of the time arrive at town upset bc of being stared at I feel.  A woman walking alone in the early hours of the morning and I just don’t feel that someone staring is appropriate.  At any rate it’s rude to stare, there even is a saying, it’s rude to stare.

I feel that a huge problem w this town is antisocial behavior; people actively doing w upsets people bc they feel that what’s acceptable is wrong and that it victimisis them I feel.  I feel that they made the decision at some point that they were gonna treat people like sh.

I feel I need headway; that I need to be free of this f up sh happening for a while to centre myself and gain some emotional strength.  I feel that is threatened w all the sh that’s going on.  Idek if I w get, be giving that break.  I need to get on w my life and feel that it is holding me the f up.

To Getting That Break

K