It’s about half three pm, Ima have coffee at six
I went out to Hampton
It happened. I felt like something horrific had just happened; like I w just looking on in horror. And then crazy thing w that I appreciated the feeling. It felt at least that it w over even if I w super messed up.
I feel that nothings gonna change; that I w be reliving this for a long time.
In Other News
I have two avenues, possibilities to go down with the chat; around getting the page well white spaced. I must make sure that I cover them both. One is just following the chat down; the other is clicking on.. actually I think it’s where it has told me that it has found a workaround, so I must look into that I feel.
I realise that I’ve changed a lot since I started following J’s commandments. I feel that I am not racist. I feel attractive for the first time; sometimes I feel like very attractive I guess. I see it through a different lens tbh. I feel that it’s just confidence. It makes me wonder if people are seeing confidence and their mind is like converting it into something sexual, bc it doesn’t feel sexual at all to me. I don’t wanna go there.
Tho it does feel like the people who find me the most sexually attractive are the most mentally ill.
I want to have an attractive face and body tho separate from sex. I just wanna look good.
Ima not talk about this anymore. I mustn’t judge people who I feel are very sick.
Ima think about the Halo Effect. I reject this outright I feel. Ima not minimise people having the utmost respect for me; I feel it dehumanises them; pretty privilege, whatever you wanna call it.
There is also a way, that it is very much not a good thing, w I just touched on.
To Being Respected
K
