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My name is Kirsty

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It’s about four pm, I’m listening to The Hits

Bathing in evil yesterday, drinking it in and absorbing it right into my inner sanctum of my mind.  I guess I got stuck in judgement.

I chose to not let it go; I felt it w mean denying J’s commandments.  I got diarrhoea, I w hallucinating all the people around me just being so so evil, I feel.

Today w just stepping out of that, soaking up the alternate reality of just trusting people again; letting go of it.

I had not said anything to anyone that c offend; I had got away w having these feelings inside.  That is dope as f that I didn’t do myself any damage.

Maybe I w judging for like twelve hours; tho judging for that amount of time w never do my any harm; rly it takes me like two days, before I feel that people are just hating the f out of me, to be fair like I am doing to them.

In Other News

I find out if the campaign has made me any money, tomorrow; maybe.  It depends whether I am paid so soon; there might be a month of holding, before they let the money go.

I can’t even w this.  Like it’s turning me inside out, not knowing whether my ad campaign is working.  I am the type of person to think that something is not doing the way it should, right out the get, until there is evidence that things are not doing that.  Idk why I am built like that, tho I am.

I have run the campaign tho.  This is the one thing that c have stopped me from being successful at things; the only thing that stops people from getting started; and bc they don’t get started they are not successful, and that’s how it works.

It just takes doing it and keeping at it, that’s all; w I have done for six years now; not saying that it w work tho.  Like I say tho, it’s driving my nuts.

I get to be dope in the mean time tho.  I love just bopping around, being myself.  Tbh this business anchors me into this personality that I love so much; it allows me to be me.  Idk if I c ever leave it alone; it’s me and I am it.

I had to stop myself from looking at the iPad Mini or anything else; I’m stony broke.  I’ve got no business doing that.  It’s best for me to be content w w I have.

I love having nothing.  It reminds me of being a kid.  I had nothing then, and w totally happy.  I had my clothing allowance of twenty a month, w in todays money is something around like sixty to eighty a month, pretty similar to what I spend.

My ad budget has eaten into things.  This ads tension, bc if things go awry then I w have to leave it like another month before running things again.

Tbh I w just run like ten quid a week or something and just wait for the metrics to come in; the blessed metrics that tell me if any of this is working.

My Energy

Like I say, my energy allows me to be me.  I am able to just not assign myself any kind of class boundary, as Idk whether I am making the kind of money that w allow me to think of myself that way.  The absence of any proof is comforting as Ima transcend any way I feel of myself, around other people.  Ima move the goal posts and fit in.

Here’s to J’s commandments that allow me to do that.  I notice it w race.  I am able to drink them in and just practically wear their energy like it is my own, feel it in the core of my being.  It feels like doing something real when I do that.

And the feeling of it just makes me feel so good.  It’s like my own authenticity and it makes me feel the way I want to; loving my energy, loving theirs, it’s all the same thing.

I survived feeling drowned in evil and just popped out the other side.  I’m getting used to this side of me, and like I say, popping out the other side, and being back in reality and feeling like, I’ve been here a thousand times, like realizing that that is not real reality, or is it, hopefully not.

Every time I find myself in that vibe, I should be able to tell myself from experience that it w end and I w get back to normal and maybe even tell myself that I’m hallucinating, Idk.  It c also be real tho, it’s a grey area.

To My Vibe

K

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